Father's Favorite
by A.D. Williams
Summary: A parent should always love their children equally. But not Inutaisho! Picking one of his sons above the other, he spoils him rotten! How does the other brother feel? And will Inutaisho learn the err of his ways?
1. Losing What You Got

Okay, contrary to my last story/one-shot, I've decided to do another long story. Since I don't exactly plan out my stories, I just go with the flow, I'm not sure how long it'll be. I'll stop it when I think it's enough. Kinda weird, huh? Well, anyways, Sesshomaru's my favorite character, but I wanted to have him being in another light than his normal one. A little more...emotional to say the least. Yes, he's _completly _out of character, but it's all for humors sake! You don't have to read it if you don't like it. In fact, everybody's out of character. That's just my style. If you've read any of my other stories, you'll know what I mean.

Oh, and one more thing. I kind of crossed times here. I wouldn't say it's feudal Japan, but neither is it completly present either. Like their clothes are both past and present/future. Not just clothes, though, technology too. If you don't have a problem with that, read it, like it, love it!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Inuyasha characters. Despite how much I changed their personalities, they're still not mine (sadly!)

**

* * *

**

Losing What You Got

"My son, look around you. Everthing you see here one day will be yours," Inutaisho told his son. "Me, Father?" Inutaisho gave Sesshomaru an annoyed look. "No, Inuyasha's. You don't deserve this." "But-but, I'm the oldest!" "And? That's old school, letting the eldest son have everything. And if I did, what would Inuyasha get?" "He'd get...um, I'd let him have..." "Shit! That's all he'd get is shit! So, to solve that problem, he gets everything. Whatever problems you may have with that you may direct them to that brick wall over there." And with that, Inutaisho put an arm around Inuyasha and led him back inside the castle.

Sesshomaru, seething, walked up to the brick wall and kicked it. A sharp stab of pain ran up from his toes and all through his leg. Getting angrier, he scratched the wall, but broke off all of his claws. "Come on now, what kind of man _scratches?_" Izayoi asked him as she too turned to follow her son and mate. "That's something _I _would do, but you..." And here she looked him up and down. "Well, maybe you would." The prince watched her walk away. _Watch your back, bitch, _he thought darkly before also going back to the castle, though he flew in his small bluish orb to get there.

As he walked into the living room, he could see his father and Inuyasha laughing it up and having a jolly ole good time. Without him. "And then-and then he said, that's not a monkey, that's my sister!" Inutaisho said between laughs and gasping for air. Inuyasha doubled over laughing at the joke. _That used to be us, just me and father. Before that damn mutt and his mother came. And now, where's the father son time? Just because I've heard his stupid sister-looking like a monkey-joke a million times doesn't mean I don't want to hear it again. _

He was about to turn away when Izayoi brushed past him and into the room. "Here you go, boys. I've made hot chocolate for both of you." Then, as if just noticing him, she said to Sesshomaru, "I think you're old enough to make your own." "Father's older than me, yet you made him some!" "I _know _you're not pouting! Get your old ass in there and make it yourself." Sesshomaru growled under his breath. _I hope all of them choke to death. Or at least since dad's a full dog demon, he dies from having too much chocolate. _

Sesshomaru decided that he didn't want the drink after all, or that is, until he saw Rin. "Rin, go make me some hot chocolate," he said while still walking past her. "But, I--" "Ah, who doesn't like a whiner?" The little girl sighed. "Santa." "That's right. Now go make me some hot chololate. And don't forget the marshmellows. The little ones, not the big ones. Oh, and make sure you skim the froth off the top. I don't want it to look like I got nut on my lips." Thankfully, due to her age, she didn't get that last part.

The former dog lord retreated to his room. Flopping down on the bed, he looked over to the poster on his wall. "Oh, Micheal, what should I do? Father's forgotten that I even exist. I bet you felt that same way too before, huh? I heard that that's why you went through all those plastic surgeries." Rin knocked and came in a moment later. "Lord-I mean, you're not a lord anymore, so, Sesshomaru, why are you talking to that poster of that man? People might think you're crazy."

The former lord glared at her while taking her cup. "Let them think what they want. And I'm not talking to a man, I'm talking to a woman." "With the name _Micheal?" _"Well, there's some boys with girl names like Whitney or Courtney. So, why can't a girl be called Micheal? And how do we know it's not Michelle?" Rin shook her head. "That's Micheal Jackson, famous pop star? But I'll leave you two at it." She left.

"Ignore her, Micheal, I mean, Michelle. She dosen't know anything." He got up from the bed and started sliding his fingers down the poster. "You're the only one who understands me. When I touch this 14x18 sheet of paper with your image on it, I feel as though we're one. I-I think I love you..." He started to push his lips to the poster when the door opened. Inutaisho looked at his son with shock and horror written on his face. "See, and you wonder why you ain't inheriting anything. What, you want to provide these lands with an heir from _Micheal? _

"Her name's Michelle!" Sesshomaru screamed at him. "You don't know anything!" "Oh, god, he's having a bitch fit on me!" Inutaisho said, rolling his eyes. Sesshomaru took off his boot and threw it at his father, who closed the door on it before it hit him. Sesshomaru pulled away from the wall and sat down at his computer. Typing, he sent an e-mail to somebody describing how he felt at the moment. A second later, he got a reply: "I don't give a fuck!!!" Sesshomaru frowned at the message, then typed, "Well, fuck you too, Jaken! I ought to take back that Razr I gave you for times like this. I thought you worshiped me even though that's against the bible. What happened?" "You're father came back and you lost power. Yeah, I know about Inuyasha being the one to get the lands after he dies (again), so you'll never have that kind of influence on people again! Mwahaha ha ha!!!" After Jaken sent that, he signed off.

"One day, I'm just going to go up to him and kick him like a football. I'm not even going to say anything to him, just, Blaow! And watch his green ass go flying and disappear in a wink in the distance like on Pokemon." He closed his eyes and concentrated on pushing down the emotions that he'd begun feeling ever since he met Rin. _Damn human girl. What use is she anyways? Besides getting me hot chocolates..._he thought, swishing the now cold beverage around. He gave a huge sigh and put it down, rolled over, and closed his eyes. His stress was like weights on his eyelids and he soon fell asleep.

* * *

So, there's the first chapter! I know, ya'll are probably thinking that Sesshomaru was acting pretty...femalish? But that's what makes it funny, right? Right?! Okay, I thought so! Naw, it's okay if you didn't think that was funny. Still, of course I want to hear your thoughts so please review! 


	2. OutKast

Another chapter for your reading pleasure! As always, enjoy!

**

* * *

**

OutKast

Sesshomaru woke up to have someone staring intently in his face. Kagome? "What do you want, human scum," he said groggily. "Oh, nothing. Well, it's just that, you have the hugest eye boogers I've ever seen!" His eyes popped open. "Eww, they're all across your eyelids! Damn, I think you have pink eye! Or is this normal for you?" The dog demon growled and swiped at her, but she had backed up to four feet away and the swipe went cleanly through the air. "Get out," was all he said. "Humph, fine. But you really do need to see about getting that fixed." And she left.

Sesshomaru got up and went over to his dresser mirror. "I don't have a lot of--holy shit! The damn miko is right!" He stared at himself and all of the green gunk on his eyes, threatening to glue them shut permenatly. "Ah, I think I do have, what was it? 'Pink eye'? But..." he looked closer and saw that the whites of his eyes were still white. "Hm. This confounds me. But I will have to analyze this at another time." He grabbed some clothes and stepped out into the hallway to use an empty bathroom for a shower.

He heard someone on the first one he came to. "Hurry the hell up!" But no one answered. He pounded on the door for a time until someone started walking toward him from the end of the hall. His father. "Sesshomaru, your brother's in there! Show respect and wait until he's finished. _Or _you could do the sensible thing and go use another bathroom." "But the next one is on the other side of the castle!" "That's your problem. You're brother needs his time to shower and get good and clean. We're meeting important officials today!" "But, _I _should be the one--" "Boy, if you complain one more time, I'll slap you so hard, your and Micheal Jackson's kids will feel it." Smirking to himself at his own ingenuity, he walked off.

"Bastard," Sesshomaru whispered. He wouldn't allow a half demon to have special treatment. He backed up against the wall and prepared to charge through the door. Just as he was about to hit the wood, it opened and instead, he crashed directly into Inuyasha. "Oomph!" They both gasped as they were winded. Sesshomaru speared Inuyasha into the tub and for a split second, really thought about commencing to beating the hell out of him. Even if he wanted to go through with the impulse, his father wouldn't have let him.

The moment that Inutaisho had heard Inuyasha's (ignoring Sesshomaru's) soft scream of surprise, he was all over the older brother like peanut butter on a sandwhich. Unless you like to eat bologna (baloney) sandwhiches, in which case there'd be no peanut butter. But maybe you like peanut butter and bologna sandwhiches. I don't, but I used to eat peanut butter with cheese. Oh, lets get back to the story!

Grabbing him, Inutaisho slammed Sesshomaru against the bathroom wall. "Let's get this straightened out right now. Whatever's your beef with your brother, you better grill it up and eat it. He's the next Lord of the Western Lands. You had your chance and you fucked it up when you...when you...well, you fucked it up! What kind of man walks around with a human girl? Not real one, that's for sure! Fix your attitude or I'll fix it for you!" He gave him a hard shove, then went and attended to Inuyasha, who kept saying he was fine and didn't need to be babied.

As they walked past him, Inutaisho threw a scathing look at Sesshomaru. Inuyasha merely gave him a side-ways glance and followed their father. Well, Sesshomaru had the bathroom, but for some reason, after what had just happend in it, he didn't really want to shower there. He went downstairs and used the other one.

Coming out of there, he passed Sango who was going in. He was halted when she screamed out loud enough for the entire palace to hear, "Uhh, Sesshomaru! Come get your shit-streaked draws! Nobody wants to look at your skid marks!" For the first time since he could remember, his cheeks flushed. Going back to get them, he whispered out loud to her, "I really had to go that day, but there wasn't a lot of toilet paper." "So you used yo draws?! Is that lame-ass excuse supposed to justify _those_?!" He didn't answer her, only grabbed his clothing and dumped them in the clothes hamper.

As he entered the kitchen for breakfast, Inutaisho and Inuyasha were having a silent animated conversation, but stopped abruptly when he arrived. "Oh, hold that thought. There's ears in the room." Sesshomaru didn't acknowledge that he'd heard that but then again, his father had said it rather loudly. He was about to reach for a biscuit, but the older demon pulled it away from him. "This is human food. You don't eat human food, remember? Why don't you go on out and catch you, you know, whatever you do eat."

Sesshomaru stared at him incredulously as he himself a full demon, ate the roll and back doored and shoved a slab of ham in his mouth. "Oh, god this is soooo good! Almost better than sex!" Izayoi, who was sitting next to him, gave him an offended look, then said, "You wasn't so good in bed last night either." Inutaisho began choking, but she made no attempt to help her mate. Finally getting the food down, he said, "What's that supposed to mean?" "Oh, you know. You had more fun with that damn Britney Spears doll than with me. I don't think you even touched me!"

Both Sesshomaru's and Inuyasha's faces started crumpling at the thoughts of their parents actually having sex! Inutaisho countered, "Well, you keep wanting me to do all of that kinky shit like doing it on the roof and I just ain't down for all of that. At least Britney Spears knows how to keep her mouth shut and just let me do my job." "You're _job?! _Oh, so that's what you call it? Not satisfying your wife, no, making love for you is just a job?! Well, lets see how well you and Britney get along for a month cause that's how long at least it will be before I even consider sleeping with you again!" Izayoi stormed out of the dining room.

A deafening silence followed. Inutaisho looked frustrated, but gave Inuyasha an encouraging smile. "Women. Can't live with them. Can't live without thinking about strangling their necks." Sesshomaru gave a half splutter of laughter. His father's piercing gaze fell on him. "What the fuck are you still doing here? I thought I told you to leave." "No, you said go catch my breakfast but if I'm not all that hungry then there's no reason for me to go catch it." Inutaisho looked like he was ready to beat the hell out of him. "Well, I'm saying it now. Go." Sesshomaru considered on defying his father, but that'd only end in an ass-whooping. And besides, despite all of his short-comings, he respected him. He could never bring himself to actually fight him.

And so he was shunned off again. The castle suddenly seemed claustrophobic. He needed air. The garden was the perfect place to go. He also needed to mull some things over. Leaving out a back door so he wouldn't be noticed, Sesshomaru sat down behind a tree to consider the new path his life was turning.

* * *

As always, please review and tell me what you thought! 


	3. Futile Courting

Like I said, I'd update two chapters at a time for being late and here it is! So, of course, enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Futile Courting

Thoughts raced through Sesshomaru's head as he sat under the tree. Somewhere in the middle of a complaint about Inuyasha's special treatment of bathroom privlages and the fact that he gets to have whole seven course meals for breakfast, he stopped himself. Whining wasn't his thing to do. But... It _was _unfair! He'd always been the one to get everything! Inuyasha was second! Well, actually, he wasn't born yet during those times, but still! _This calls for action. Operation, show some love! _

Going outside of the palace gates, he searched on the outskirts of the villages for his target. Seven villages later, he was starting to lose hope when he found it. A young coyote demoness. _Bingo. _Sidiling up to her, he sat down on the bench she was sitting on outside of a teahouse. "So, I couldn't help but notice that you might've been checking me out." _Might've?! _The girl giggled and blushed. He pressed on. "I really think that me and you would make very good mates." The girl's face flushed even more. Sesshomaru got ready for the big finale. Taking her hands into his, he stared deep into her green eyes and said in a low, husky tone, "Miss, I want you to bear my children." That did it for her! Immediatly she threw herself at Sesshomaru and screamed, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Of course I'll have your children! Do you want ten of them? Or perhaps twenty?"

_Why does something tell me that I've made a huge mistake? _Sesshomaru thought. But there was no turning back now. The girls' parents had heard his proposal and her answer and were also thrilled that he was going to betroth their daughter. _I have to make this work. It's the only way father will see that he's made a mistake in making _Inuyasha _Lord of the Western Lands. _"So, how about we go see my father and see what he thinks of this arrangement?" Grabbing her hand, he led her toward the palace. Well, actually, it was the other way around, considering she was pulling him to his own home.

Crashing through the door, not even bothering to knock, she screamed out for all to hear, "Me and Prince Sesshomaru are getting married!" Izayoi descended down the steps slowly, but stopped when she saw her step-son. "You're pathetic excuse of a son is here," she called back up the steps, then contiued going down.

Getting to in front of the girl, she walked around her, criticizing everything about her. "Hm, too tall. And you're hair's too dark. And you're skin's too white, like that woman that your fiancee worships." Here she paused to see how the girl would react. She was still smiling just as bright as ever. _What?! That'd have any other girl pissed! I guess she's one of those dumb-demon types. But really her body is perfect! I can't let him marry her. She's way prettier than I am! _

By this time, Inutaisho had come down also. "Humph," was all he said, giving her the once-over. "What's your name?" he barked, as though she were one of his army soldiers. "Keita." "Hm, Keita, huh? Sounds like a bitch name." "Well, sir, my father always said that he'd make a proud bitch out of me yet." "Are you proud?" "Of what?" "You know, being a bitch, and...whatnot?" Here, Keita stood up even taller. "Yes I am!" Sesshomaru face-palmed.

His father turned to him. "Well, looks like you got yourself one hell of a dumb bitch. I wish all the luck in the world for your retarded children. Now Inuyasha, he gots himself a fine young woman, a western belle. That gal Oragame Hikashi, or something like that, can't remember her name. But, boy, oooh weeee! She fine!" Sesshomaru quirked an eyebrow at his father's sudden change of accent, him now sounding like he was from the south and talking like their lizard enimies.

"Her name's Kagome," Inuyasha said, joining them at the sound of her name. "And we're not going together, nor or we ever going to be going together." A loud silence filled the air, save for Izayoi bringing down her fist and whispering "Yes! Momma's boy for life!" Inutaisho gave his son a stern look. "Now son, you sure you want to do that? I mean, me personally, I think that that other priestess--what's her name? Kikyou?--is way better looking than Kagome. And besides, Kagome's still wet behind the ears. But Kikyou! Man, that's a woman there! She'll know how to treat a man!" Then he muttered, "Better than your mother. Me peronally, I'd take 'em both, ya know what I mean?" He elbowed Inuyasha for emphasis, but the half demon was shaking his head.

"No father, I don't want either of them. I've decided on someone entirely different. Someone who I will always protect and will always have my back. Someone who will ride or die with me like Bonnie and Clyde. Someone who I know is fresh to death in the best nothin' less. Search around the world and you'll never find another shortie like mine. She's gonna be my everything--" "Okay, enough with the lyrics! Who the hell is it!" Inutaisho screamed.

A/N: Not all of what Inuyasha said were lyrics. When I got to the part about ridin' or dyin', that idea came from an old Jay-Z song that I think he did with Beyonce (can't remember it's name.). But when he said he needs someone "fresh to death... " that come from the song "Can't Stop, Won't Stop". The part about a "shortie like mine", well, considering that that song is out currently, everyone _should _know where I got that from. It's Bow Wow's song featuring Chris Brown. And last but not least, when Inuyasha said that she's "gotta be my everything," that came from the chours to the B2K song, "Gotta Be". And there you have it. Hip-hop meets Inuyasha! And now back to the show!

Inuyasha took a deep breath, then said, "Yura." Izayoi stopped walkin' it out ("Walk it out", UNK) about her son not getting married and stared at him. "Boy, you done lost yo damn mind!" She said, seething. She looked as though she could transform her own self. Inuyasha started backing up. "Now, now, Mother, don't lose your temper! You know what the doctor's said about your blood pressure--" "I don't give a damn about my blood pressure! How can you do this to me! I'm your mother! I thought you loved me!" "I do! But I love Yura also!" "No! You can't love that skank ass whore! The mini skirt won't be invented for another four-hundred fifty years!" (an example of mixing both worlds. You can already tell that they mostly live in the 21st century.)

Advancing toward him, she poked him in his chest with her claw-like nails. "Inuyasha Walter Frances Giligan the third, you have forced me to do something that I really didn't want to do!" Turning to one of the servants, she said, "Bring me something sweet and smothered in butter!" Back to Inuyasha: "See? You made me break my diet! And you say you love me!" She ran out of the room crying.

Looking at his father, Inuyasha waited for his comment. None came except, "As long as she can rock your world in bed, I don't care who you marry. Wish I hadn't went through with that damn marriage with your mother. I was supposed to get her to the alter, then dump her! You know, a little stunt like Jackass, but the bitch grabbed a hold of my boys and forced me to say I do! Now look, seven hundred years later and I'm miserably married."

A/N: Inutaisho and Izayoi having been married for seven hundred years came from a theory among fanfictions (or maybe just one specific person. If I'm stealing your idea, please excuse me!) that when demons mate, (or marry?) their life-lines become intertwined. If something should happen to Inutaisho, Izayoi's life would continue where she's at now, at perhaps 35, but she'd start aging like a human again.

His father left out to attend to Izayoi and see how she was doing. Despite their quarrels, some where deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down to the fifteenth power down deep, he loved her. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru caught eyes. "Whore lover," Sesshomaru said. "At least my girl knows how to work a DVD player." Inuyasha countered. Looking over to where Keita had went and noticing her examining the DVD player in the living room, he said, "You have to plug it in first, dumb-ass." A look of pure surprise came over her face and she grabbed the end of the cord and examined it. "Plug it in!" Inuyasha repeated. She evidently didn't know what he ment and stuck the plug between her boobs.

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow this time. "Well, looks like we got ourselves some porno chicks." Patting him on the chest, he said, "Well, tell me how that all works out for you," and left. Sesshomaru strode over to the coyote demoness and took the DVD player plug out of her breasts. He quickly broke it down to her that the wedding was off, and surprisingly she took in good stride. Skipping out the door, she went back home as though nothing had happened. Though Sesshomaru couldn't help but notice that A, her kimono was a bit short, and B, that she was now posted up on the corner of the teashop as though waiting for somebody.

Sesshomaru shook his head. So, operation show some love had backfired. He'd have to try again. Dinner was only a few hours off. He'd be ready then.

* * *

Okay, I think I might have had too many author notes in this chapter. Sorry, I just wanted to explain things as I went rather than doing it all here and having to make you go back and look at the text. So, yay or nay, did you like or not like this chapter? As always, please review! 


	4. Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

Warning: This chapter contains a bit more explicit language than I normally use. Actually, I think it's only one word, but I still want to be on the safe side.

**

* * *

**

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

(sub titled, The One-Upper. People beware. If one of your friends, and or associates, husbands, wives, cousins, uncles, brothers, sisters, co-workers, bossess, or simply anyone you don't like is a one-upper, dispose of them as quickly as possible. It's not murder, it's called self defense. They were threating your rep.

At dinner, they had company. An old friend of Inutaisho's by the name of Kiza. They were about the same age and had known each other since they were boys. "Remember that time that we were all at the hot springs and those girls came?" Lord Kiza asked him. Inutaisho couldn't remember a specific time that he was at the hot springs. He went there nearly everyday after training. Kiza clarified that for him. "And we got out before you did and stole your clothes? You didn't know those girls were there so when you got out, they were all looking at you! They burst out laughing cause they said that you have a cocktail weener!" Kiza threw back his head and laughed.

Inutaisho didn't seem to think it was so. Especially not right in front of his family. Izayoi gave him an "I told you so" look and said, "See? It's not just me who says that, other women have said it too. Four and a half inches just isn't enough for me." Both Inuyasha and Sesshomaru spit out their food and started coughing. But their coughs soon turned to fits of giggles. "Four and a half inches, dad?" Sesshomaru said. "I'm bigger than you and I ain't even done growing yet!" Inutaisho had been blushing like a school boy until he said this.

Rounding on him, he said, "Right, and that's also why you wetted the bed until you were four hundred years old and you _still _ask me to leave the bathroom light on and keep your door open a crack. My dick may be small but my rank's ain't. You want some more?" Sesshomaru was now the one blusing. "No," he said in a very quiet voice. He picked up his chop sticks and started eating the food that he'd spit out.

Kiza looked dumbfounded. "You talk to your son that way? I mean, he's the oldest. And a...well, you know..." Inutaisho stared him down with a cold look. "A what? Go on, say it. We're old friends, right?" Kiza gulped, then rushed out, "He's a full demon." Inutaisho's expression softened. "Exactly. He should know better than to insult his own father. But Inuyasha, we'll he's still a growing, learning boy. He wouldn't know any better, now would he?" Kiza shook his head. "No, he wouldn't."

Inuyasha gave them a shocked look that they didn't see. "Feh," was all he muttered before crossing his arms and turning his face up away from them. He stayed that way for a moment until he peeked down at his food and resolutly began eating again.

After dinner, Inutaisho wanted to show his friend his trophy display. "And here's the trophy I won for having the most consecutive beheadings in sparring. 37 straight. Quite impressive, eh?" Kiza nodded. "Yeah, if you like settling for such low numbers. I got 80." Inutaisho grunted quietly to himself. "Okay then, how about this one." He picked up a bag and shook it. "101 teeth from 101 people. How do you like them chitlins?" "Back inside the pig. 1,341 teeth from that amount of people. Go on, surprise me with something else." Inutaisho was now growling softly. "Fine." Striding to the very back of the room, he stopped in front of a very large trophy. "Criss-cross champion, 1608. Eighty-_thousand _jumps. There, beat that." "Already did. 1 million jumps. 1791. It's time to face the facts, Inutaisho. I'm better than you at everything. Better at sports, better at getting girls, better at sex--and don't deny it. With four and a half inches, there has to be some conflicts in bed--I'm even better at being better."

Inutaisho could only hang his head and nod ascent. "Yeah, you were always the one everyone bragged on. My wins were like clothes and dieting fads. Everyone surrounded me for the moment, until the next best thing came along. Again. And again. And again." Kiza made a soft expression. "Hey look, we're friends, right? Friends don't argue about stupid things like trophies even if I do have more and better ones than you. Let's head into the den and we can continue reminiscing about the good old days like when we gave you that bar pill and you thought it was some advil. Man, you were fucked up after that! So fucked up, you even tried kissing your mom!"

As they entered the den, a vision came unto Inutaisho. He'd like to think it was sent from God. In the vision, he was still watching Kiza laugh at his past blunders, but he couldn't really hear him, just see that big ass smile cheesing his ass off at him. Inutaisho quickly ran by him, then came to an abrupt halt on the other side of the room. As though having an out of body experience, he could see himself standing with his hand now drawn to his left shoulder, the claws dripping with bood. Without turning around, in the background you could see Kiza's head sliding cleanly off his neck. Inutaisho smiled to himself, but it seemed as though that little luxury of a daydream couldn't even be cherished. Kiza was calling him.

"Inutaisho? Inutaisho! You're freaking me out, man! Quit staring at me like that! Anyways, and then you were all like, dude, that's not even funny, and we're all like, fuck yeah that was!" So he was snapped out of a good dream all to be dragged back into a nightmare. He settled down and put a hand on his head. This was going to be awhile.

When forever finally passed and Kiza had abruptly fallen asleep after his 64th sake (he even said that he was better at holding his liquor better than him before passing out.), Inutaisho had the curtosey to help his "friend" out by carring him to his bed. But as he was going up the stairs, Sesshomaru was coming down for a midnight snack. They stopped and starred at each other. "Sesshomaru, we are going to walk by each other and we are never going to speak of this again. Do you understand me?" Sesshomaru nodded and they kept going their directions.

Getting Kiza to his room, Inutaisho laid him on the bed and took of his shoes for him. He was even kind enough to pull the curtains over the window and and the covers up to his chin. He stopped and stared at him for a moment, then grabbed his manhood through the folds of his clothes. "Ha, you're just as small as me!" he whispered. As he left, he cast him a final glance. "No, I think I'm a sixteenth bigger than you. Better start poppin' some Enzeyte, bitch." He was able to sleep peacefully that night knowing he at least had beaten Kiza at something. Even if Kiza would never know it, a personal victory is sometimes better than a public one.

* * *

Alright, and there it is! And no, as always, review and tell me what you thought! 


	5. Sex and Feminine Problems

Despite the title, I don't think that this chapter is really explicit. Still I use my usual language and I don't think that I have anything too graphic or out of the ordinary.

**

* * *

**

Sex and Feminine Problems

(not really about that, but you'll see why I named it that!)

Sesshomaru decided that he'd skip out on both a shower and breakfast the next morning, not wanting to face his father's wrath. But such luck wasn't to come. Just as he was about to slip into the palace library for some quiet reading time, the dog general called him. "Sesshomaru! Get your lazy ass over here!" It would've been easy to ignore him. Just walk in the library and act like he hadn't heard a thing. But sharp ears dwindled that down to just pure insubordination. Which would lead to an ass-whooping. Which would lead to him doing the task anyways. He decided to cut out the middle-man and see what he wanted.

Upon first seeing him, Sesshomaru noticed that he looked rather...pathetic. His clothes were wrinkled, his boots were unpolished, his eyes were red-rimmed, and his breath stank. "Father! I hardly recognized you what with you looking eight hundred years older." Inutaisho scowled at him. "Don't mess with me, boy. I just found a gray hair on my head and I am not in the mood." Sesshomaru thought about mentioning the fact that _all _his hair was gray, but held his tounge. "So, what'd you want me for?" "I need you to pick up some things from the store for me."

Sesshomaru could only stare. _Him _go to the store?! "But Inuyasha's not doing anything!" he whined. He pointed over to where Inuyasha was sunk into a bean bag chair and watching TV from three feet away (five hundred years later and he still couldn't get over the amazement of that damn box.). Inutaisho looked over to him. "He's learning. With five thousand channels, there's plenty to watch that's informative." "But he's watching _Napolean Dynamite_! How fuckin' educational that? What could a stupid half-breed learn from it? How not to be a geek?"

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes slightly at him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch it, would ya? I'm right here." But he went back to watching the movie. Inutaisho grabbed Sesshomaru's shirt and pulled him closer. "Listen here, damn it! Neither I nor your mother--" "Izayoi," Sesshomaru corrected. Inutaisho ignored it. "--are having a good day. Just go to the damn store and pick up the shit on the list. It's only ten items so you can even go through the 10 items or less line. Charge it all to the Western palace. Don't ask questions, just do it." Putting the list in his hands, he gave him a hard push out the door and slammed it behind him.

Straightening out his clothes and casting a rueful glare behind him, he left out of the large front gates and into a nearby town. _Why the hell don't I have a car? Why the hell don't I even have a drivers liscence? Why the hell don't I even know how to drive so I could get a liscence so I could get a car? _Glancing down at the list, he saw that it contained things like milk, butter, eggs... "So I need to go to the grocery store." Then, farther down he saw toilet paper, razors, and...Vaseline? "I don't even want to know what that's for." He decided that Wal-Mart was the best store to go to. I mean, they _do _have everything, right? Right?! Right. (sarcasm).

As soon as Sesshomaru entered the building he had to stop and enjoy the beauty of _air conditioning. _His father thought that air conditioning was the devil. That, along with American apple pie, No Boundary shoes, and anything to do with Calvin Klein. Had no objections to watching the Victoria's Secret run-way shows though. The woman by the entrance smiled politely at him and offered him a cart. He took it, but didn't quite understand its purpose, having _never _went to a store before. That's what servants were for. Looking around though, he saw other people pushing their carts with their possessions in them. _So it's kind of like driving a car. Which I can't drive. _Still, he resolutly pushed his along with the others.

At first, he didn't understand hrow to turn it. Pushing it straight, he was fine. Turning was a whole 'nother story. Everytime he clipped a corner. Thinking speed was the problem, he sped up each time he was going to round one. The result: twice he flipped the cart, both of those times having the eggs in them. After doing four wheelies along with that, he finally had the hang of it. To celebrate, he pushed the cart real fast ond hopped up on it. Closing his eyes and spreading his arms _Titanic _style, he enjoyed the ride. Until he crashed through the refrigerated meats. Glass shattered every where, meats flew all over, and Sesshomaru was slammed through the back and ended up in the canned foods section, four aisles away.

He stood up slowly. "Damn," was all he could manage, brushing himself off. All eyes were on him as he made for the exit, waving almost shyly at people at giving them small nods. "Hey, howya doin'? How's the misses? Cute kid. Nice to see ya again. Say hello to your mom for me..." And so on the small talk went until he was outside. He made a break for an alley

"What the fuck is wrong with me?! I couldn't even steer a frickin' buggy! It's all because of--" And here he started ripping his clothes with every emphasis on his words-- "Father's _stupid _rules and his wife-tale _superstitions_, and not letting me wear Abercrombie and Finch because he thinks it looks _gay _on me with my long California-like hair, but he lets his _precious Inuyasha _walk around barefooted like some kind of _slave _while he wears silk all the time like a damn _geisha _and cracks cheap ass jokes like _Tim Allen._" He was huffing by the time he was finished.

Giving a sigh to calmly release the rest of his energy, he stepped out onto the street again. Immediatly, people screamed, kids started crying, and women fainted. An elderly woman walked up to him. "Honey, are you a nudist?" she asked. Sesshomaru looked at her for a moment before catching a good breeze in parts down under. _Feels kinda nice. _he mused. Focusing back on the woman, he said, "Yes, I am a nudist." Then raising his voice for everyone else to hear, he said, "And it's a shame that a person cannot display his own true self all because of the views of a few. When you are born, are you not nude? But doesn't your mother still love you? And you're naked when you bathe, that doesn't stop you from washing! And women, you go plastic surgeons to have your breasts enlarged, but who gets to see them? Nobody! So people, do not be ashamed of the naked body! If you have stretch marks, who cares! That's nature's way of telling you that you're overly healthy! And if you have wrinkles, show 'em off! All you're saying is that you've been on this earth to see so and so many years! And if you're growing a forest down below, don't cut it down! People, be free! Free at last, free at last, thank Kami almighty, be free at last!

One person, then another, and another started taking off their clothes. "I don't have to wear a bra anymore!" One woman said. "I can finally just 'hang' out!" A man exhulted. "I'm tired of thongs riding up my ass!" A few pople said (both men and women!). "Yes, take it all off!" Sesshomaru encouraged. But then something strange happened. His vision flickered. Not like lights flicker as in it went dark for a brief second and came back on. It was more like a TV flicker. For a quick moment, all the people around him looked different. He squinted and cocked his head in a puppyish way. Then it flickered again. The third time, the picture stayed. He was still staring at the old woman, but she and everyone else was dressed. He was the only one naked.

Quickly covering himself, he ran inside a store and grabbed some clothes (Abercrombie and Finch) and charged it to the Western palace account. "Now, back to shopping." Walking up to a Target, he figured he'd try his luck there. Grabbing a cart, he pushed it along like a decent, civilized person. Proud of himself for completing the grocery shopping, he started on the house-hold items. Thankfully, each aisle had a small description of what was on it so that part also went smooth. Until he got down to the last two items. Tampons and condoms. He about lost it.

_I will do anything for love...but I won't do that. _The song from an old Dr. Pepper commercial went through his mind. Sesshomaru wouldn't say that he loved his father. Highly respected him and felt a strong fondness of him to the point of killing for him and he'd even admit that at times he wished he'd show more attention and affection toward him, yes. But love? No. Still, this _was _his father. He took a deep breath and started down the aisle.

He felt like he was walking the green mile. Or in this case, the blue and white mile. Reaching the appropriate spot, he stopped. _You know, I could've sworn that I was supposed to have died last weekend when I fell down the stairs. Why can't no Final Destination type shit happen and the roof just falls on me or something? _He gave another huge sigh, grabbed the dreaded box, and pushed it under everything else in the cart. He doubted Target sold condoms.

He went to the ten items or less line. It was supposed to be quick check out, but it seemed like everyone and their dog was using it. He patiently waited. Every few minutes, he'd shuffle up an inch or two. _This is worse than rush hour. The movie, not traffic. _After what seemed like forever, finally the teen girl behind the counter checked out his stuff. He busied himself by flipping through a _Contemporary Living _magazine. But a quck, repetitive motion in his peripheral vision caused him to look up. The girl kept trying to scan the tampons but it wasn't going through. Grabbing a microphone, she said into it, "Price check on tampons, line 12. Price check on tampons, line 12." All heads turned his way. He buried his face deeper in the magazine, but it only proved the point more for those who could tell what he was reading.

"Look mommy, he's queer," A little girl said. "No honey, we don't call them queer, they're just peculiar. Or, if you want to be more religious, you can say they're Kami's special people." Sesshomaru was about to reply, but he noticed that another man in the next lin was looking at him. When he caught his eye, he winked. _Oh no. _The price check for the tampons took forever. He was all too happy when it finally came and he couldn't have gone faster leaving there. He took the magazine with him.

Finally, he only had one item left. The condoms. But where to get those? He remembered hearing something about being able to get them at drug stores. So, Walgreens sold them? No, think smaller. Convienince stores? Yes, that's where. He went inside a 7/11 and stood at the counter examining their inventory. _What's better, Trojan or Lifestyle? And why would they have flavored one's? Unless...no, they wouldn't! _The man behind the counter stared at him expectantly. "Well?" "Um...all of them." Sesshomaru figured that he'd let his father find out what kind he wanted. The man squinted at him. "All of what?" "You know, those, (coughs) things..." The guy still looked confused. "Those _what?_" Sesshomaru was almost beside himself with nervousness. "The ..." he trailed off to a mumble. "Speak up, boy! I ain't got all day!" Sesshomaru cleared his throat. " I said, I want the...condoms. All of them." The man stared at him for a moment, then started laughing. "You...you want all of them? Boy, you don't even look old enough for your other kid to have dropped! Probably still wet behind the ears! And here you are talking about all of them! You probably wouldn't know what to do with it!

Sesshomaru wouldn't give this man the satisfaction of knowing that he really was a virgin. "It's for my father. I'm on an errand for him." That only made the guy laugh harder. "Yeah, and I'm the frickin' Lord of the Western Lands!" Finally, some leverage. "No, but my father is. This ring on my finger is the dog lord crest. Wanna challenge it?" The guy sobered up and started packing a bag full of one box of every type of condom that was there. He silently slid the box toward him. "Thank you," Sesshomaru said sarcastically.

He figured he had put the man in his place. That is, until he had left out of the store. Immediatly the man started cackling like a heyena again. Sesshomaru could only shake his head and curse his father for sending him on such an errand as buying tampons and condoms.

* * *

Weird and perhaps a bit too long, but now do you get the title? Okay, so review and tell me what you thought! 


	6. The Way to a Woman's Heart

Okay, sorry for the long wait. Muse decided to take a snooze (hey, that rhymed!) But I wanted to put out one more chapter before the holidays. Often times when I take forever in a lifetime to put out a chapter, I do two. But if I could hardly get one done, well, it'd be a little harder to get two out right now. Still, read it, like it, love it!

**

* * *

**

The Way to a Woman's Heart

(Inutaisho style!)

As soon as Sesshomaru came into the palace, he saw that Inuyasha was still glued to the TV except now he was watching...Harry Potter?! (quite frankly, I like HP. Call me a nerd, fuck all ya'll!) Crossing the room quickly, he turned it off. Immediatly, Inuyasha started having a hissy-fit. "How dare you! Dumbledore was just about to tell Harry something important!" "And I'm supposed to give a damn why?" Growling to himself, Inuyasha pulled something out from his haori. A stick. "Avada Kadavera!" he shouted, and flicked the stick at Sesshomaru. He simply blinked with a bored expression. "And that was supposed to do _what?_" "Kill you," his brother said lamely. Sesshomaru nodded slowly then grabbed the stick and broke it. "Grow up," he whispered in his ear before handing the broken "wand" back to him and walking off, leaving Inuyasha staring sadly at the peices with his ears flat against his head in disappointment.

Entering the kitchen, Sesshomaru noticed a note on the table. _He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, put all of the groceries and house stuff up, except the last two things that were on the list. Bring those up to my study, ASAP. --That G dog, Inutaishizzle. _"_Inutaishizzle?! _No, dad! Just, no! You're 3,000 years old. You were alive to shake Jesus' hand! Hell, you probably snuck on the ark with Noah! Leave that for the new generation! Like me. Sesshizzle nizzle. Hm, sounds kinda cool." Sesshomaru abandoned putting up the supplies and such and left out into the back gardens.

He was about to lay low in his favorite spot, but voices floating down from an open window stopped him. His father and Izayoi. "Look, I know you don't like scary movies, which is why I picked one that isn't scary. How's Borat sound to you?" "You think I want to go see some degenerate movie about some stupid foreign guy who probably thinks that telling someone they're ugly is helping them out?" "Well, uh, that is kinda nice, ya know? That way you know your standards." A silence. Then Inutaisho again: "Okay, if you don't like that idea, how about we go to that new art gallery that just opened up. I know how much you like art. And the guy who owns the place has been wanting to do a portrait of you for the longest. Hell, you might even get to be in the gallery!" "Oh sure, like in that Mario Vasquez song." "Um, that's not what I ment, nor do I see how that fits in with anything I said, except for the words gallery." "Of course you dont'! You don't see anything!" Izayoi screamed and stormed out of yet another room.

Inutaisho gave a huge sigh and headed toward the window for a breather. Before Sesshomaru could get away, he spotted him. "What the hell are you doing down there? Get your ass up here! And bring those things I told you to get!" _And hello to you too, bastard, _Sesshomaru thought, but went back into the castle and got the "last two items" to bring to his father. As he went into the kitchen again, he saw Izayoi rummaging through the bags, strangly skipping over the one that contained the "things". Instead, she honed in on the pint of cookies n' creme ice cream that he'd bought. Ripping the lid off, she dug in with her fingers, sucking loudly on them and giving small moans of pleasure. A moment later, she was rolling on the floor and complaining of a brain freeze. "I'm not even going to ask," he mumbled to himself and grabbed the bag he needed and left.

Reaching his father's study, he politly knocked, because no matter what, he at least respected him. The door opened as though on its own. The room was dark save for the fireplace being lit. In the middle of a hot ass summer day. WTF? As if that wasn't strange enough, there was also a river otter skin on the floor. Sesshomaru recognized it. Wouldn't that be Kanta's father, the demon that he'd reluctantly revived only because Tetseiga was pulsing (that, and he couldn't say no to Shippo's innocent look)? And all for him to end up as his father's floor mat. Damn, ain't that about a bitch. The light casted an eerie shadow on the walls and illuminated the wine red furniture, consisting of an over easy chair in front of the fire, back turned toward it, and a desk with a black chair in front of it. There was no place for anyone else to sit.

His father was in the chair by the fire. Its position made it hard to see his features, but his silhouette showed that he had his legs crossed with a wine glass between his fingers. He was swishing it slowly, eyes slightly glowing (kind of rhymed!). "Come in, Sesshomaru. Close the door." As soon as Sesshomaru did, he almost regretted it. The room seemed more menacing now, with no light from the hall to shine in and add a little life to the room. Lifting his feet off of the padded foot rest, he kicked it a few feet away from him and gestured that his son should sit down. The boy quickly did so.

"Now, down to buisness. Did you bring those "things" that I asked for?" "Uh, yeah, here take 'em." Sesshomaru said, not really liking holding the bag with the "things". "Good, good..." Inutaisho said, almost absent-mindly and rubbing his hands together. "Sesshomaru, I have another important task for you to do." "If it has anything to do with tampons and condoms, the answer is no." Sesshomaru said, making a disgusted face. "Of course not! Well, not entirely. You see, Izayoi's going through that "phase" that women go through when they become even more obnoxious bitches than what they already were. I think I have the answer of how to solve that, just short of killing her."

The young inu-youkai raised an eyebrow. "Oh? How?" Inutaisho smiled. "Intimacy." "Ugh! Father! You're not planning to, you know, _do it_, while she's, well, you know, _on it_, are you?!" Inutaisho gave a hearty laugh. "Oh, Sesshomaru! Maybe." His son fell over and started gasping as though he had asthma. "Ha, just playing! We as men know that sleeping with a woman during the time that her clouds pass over the moon is bad luck. Why, even being near one could ruin the richest man." _Nothing but fisher-men tales, but I'll let him believe them. _

A/N: That whole paragraph's topic was kind of based from something that I read in _Memoirs of a Geisha _(yeah, I'm talking about the book, not the movie!). They had mentioned that women down near where the men fished or did fishing duties was bad luck and would spoil the catch. Inutaisho just took that a step farther! Also, the phrase "the moon passing over the clouds" was also taken from the book. It's a nice, friendly reference to "that time of the month." Anyways, back to the story!

The dog general continued on with his explanation to his son. "What I want you to do is plan a romantic night for me and Izayoi. I'd do it myself, but I have a meeting with the fuckin' Lord of the Northern Lands. Damn wolve's. They think that just because we're wild cousins means that we have to work together. Well I say to hell with them! But, I'd be neglecting my duties as Lord of the Western Lands if I didn't at least go and pretend to be interested in the topic. So, you'll have to do all of the work yourself. When I get home, I want to see that some work _has _been done. Dinner, candles, music, the works. Can you handle that?"

Sesshomaru stared at him. "I think the question really is, do I even _want _to handle that?" Inutaisho blinked. "Let me re-phrase that. You are going to handle that. No excuses. Izayoi's going out with some friends and I gave her the seal of the our royal family so she can spoil herself in the villages doing those things that women like to do like, shopping, and eating all of the free samples down at Baskin Robins, and--damn, what the hell is it that women like to do?--oh yeah, and worshiping Brad Pitt, who I've just put a hit out on."

"See, Sesshomaru, that's how you keep your woman happy. Let her think you love her by spoiling her, but at the same time, slowly take away her precious object of true devotion. Well, she can have Brad until tonight when he's killed when starts his car. And while he's sleeping with the fishes, I'll make my move on Angelina Jolie. Everybody's happy! But back to your task, we should be back home by nine. Make sure the food isn't cold, the candles arn't burnt down too far, or that the bubbles in the tub haven't disappeared. If you can make sure of all of that, well hell, I just might reward you with something." _My rightful title to the lands after you croak again? Yipee! _Sesshomaru thought, a vision of him with all three of his father's swords on him (three because of Sounga, third movie) and wrecking havoc on Japan. He smiled, then shook his head. He could dream, couldn't he?

"Okay, now get out. Your old man needs to get ready. Plus, I need to think of a quick escape excuse should the damn meeting get too boring, which it always does. I'm trusting you with something that really I should have your brother do, seeing as he's more repsponsible." _What?! The damn hanyou didn't even know what to do with a bar of soap when we gave him one, how the fuck is _he _more responsible? _He rose from the foot stool and casted a last glance at his father. He was still sitting down and had his eyes closed with his head laid back. "Ooh, Angelina, we were ment for each other. Then again, Haley Barry is kinda good too. I especially liked her in Cat Woman. Mee-ow!" Sesshomaru shuddered and tried to imagine either woman being his step-mother. The picture that came to him was him tied up upside down and both of them using him like he was a punching bag. Compared to them, Izayoi was Kami. He'd rather have a nag over super women anyday.

With that, he left and went back down to the kitchen. Izayoi was still eating the ice cream, but was now watching a movie. Or was it a show? Oh, no! It was the first season of Sex and the City on DVD! Oh Kami, the horror! Inuyasha was evidently thinking the same thing because he was now making a point of playing his PSP very loudly to where Izayoi finally got up off the couch and dragged over her cartons of ice cream to occupy his bean-bag chair. Sesshomaru raised his eyebrow again and went outside. _It's times like these that makes me happy that whatever happened to my mother, did happen. _

* * *

Okay, perhaps not my best chapter. Any ways, still I hoped you enjoyed it. Oh, and don't worry about if my story is getting off topic (I know I some times do that). Everything that Inutaisho has Sesshomaru doing ties back in with the main topic. So, with that said, merry Christmas, Felize Navidad (spanish for merry Christmas), and have a happy new year! Oh, wait, I'll have another chapter out before that! Well, till next chapter, hasta luego! (See you later, also spanish.) 


	7. Let Me Cater to You

So, here I am trying to actually stick to my word and put out two chapters since it's been a while. Maybe, just maybe, I'll do it! Can I? Let's find out! Oh, and how many of you watched the fourth movie on cartoon network/adult swim? Cute, huh, all of those half demons referring to Inuyasha as "brother"? Okay, don't let me spoil it for those who might not have seen it. Now get's to readin'!

**

* * *

**

Let Me Cater To You

At about seven o'clock, both Izayoi and Inutaisho left, the former looking like she had won the lotto, examining the dog youkai crest on her finger (snatching it from Sesshomaru, who had no complaints. He prayed he'd never go shopping again.), the latter as though he would like to have died rather than go to the meeting. Inuyasha was back in front of the TV again. "Let me turn this bullshit off. Sex and the City! C'mon now mom, step your game up! I--" but he trailed off as he sat down in the now overly warm bean bag chair and became absorbed with the show. _One of these days when I get over my "kill my little brother" phase, we're gonna have to have a long sit down about him watching all of these femalish ass shows. _For now though, he had a task to do.

"Okay, so father wants dinner cooked? We'll he'll be so damn strong. Men don't cook. Hell, men don't even belong in the kitchen. I thought that there was supposed to be some kind of barrier around it so they couldn't get in? Anyways, I'll just call some caterers and let them deliver the food." Whipping out his cell phone, he dialed the number that he saw on the fridge from a menu. _So that's how dad's always eating good even when Izayoi doesn't cook. Where the hell are the servants? _The phone rang four times before some one picked up."Hello?" "Oh yes, hi. I'd like to order a delivery for the Taisho residence?" A long silence fell over the line. "Are you still there?" "Um, sir, we don't deliver there anymore." "_What?! _I am prince Sesshomaru, first son and heir to the--" "No the fuck you're not!" Inuyasha screamed from the living room. "--well, son anyways, of Lord Inutaisho and I demand to know your excuse for denying my service."

The woman on the other side gave a huge sigh. "Sir, we aim to please. But your father, he was difficult. In one night, he sent back a chicken for "being too dry," mashed potatoes "because they weren't white enough", and Jell-o for "being too jiggly." On another occasion, he wanted a full refund because we sent a male to deliver the food rather than a female. And just last week, he tried to sue us because the decorations on his carmel cake looked like his mother and he thought we were trying to suggest cannibalism. I'm sorry, I know it's not your fault but we just arn't about to risk it. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! Are you saying--" _Click._

So catering was out of the question. "Fine, I'll just make dinner myself. Izayoi has to have some cook books around here somewhere. Aha! _101 Meals for the Soul. _Let's get crackin'." He flipped through the book trying to find something that wasn't so high in cholesterol, it'd kill his father. "Deep fried chicken, no. Deep fried pork chops, no. Deep fried shrimp, damn! And look here, deep fried fried rice! How the hell can you deep fry rice?!" "By putting it in a deep fryer!" Inuyasha cut in again. "Now shut the hell up so I can watch the L Word!" _So now he starts watching the good stuff. _

Sesshomaru kept going until he found a recipe that looked healthy enough to keep his father alive for at least another hundred years. "Carrot stew. How harmful is that?" The recipe called for four fresh cut carrots, broth, and patience. Following all of the directions, (and reading the _Contemporary Living _magazine while he waited) he finally checked on the food. "Perfect. No meat in it, but after I tell dad why, he'll understand. Okay, now on to the "romantic" bath."

Going upstairs to his father's and Izayoi's bedroom, he entered the adjoined bathroom. "How hard can making a bath be?" He looked around the room for candles. None. Damn! "Jaken!" He called out. _Been awhile since I've even looked at him. Then again, looking like that, it's kind of hard to. _The imp/toad ambled into the room with a dull expression on his face. Sesshomaru drew himself up to his full height and looked down his nose at him. "Go get me sixteen white candles. Scented perferably." Jaken gave a huge sigh. "Me, uh, Sesshomaru, my wife/mate has just given birth. Must I be called from them so soon?" "Uhh! You actually _fucked! _Oh, god! Oh, god I think I've seen it all!" _The fugly bastard is now more experienced than me!! Noooooooo!!!! _"Hell no! Get your ass to the damn store! You sicken me with the idea of _you _having 'intercourse'! But um..." Sesshomaru's mean demeanor started slipping. "So, uh, what was it like? Did you 'get all up in dat'?"

Jaken looked mortified. "_What?! _So you really _are _a virgin! Ha, I'm more experienced than you?! Ha, ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha!" He started rolling on the floor laughing. "Oh, shit, oh, shit! I can't breath! I think I done shit myself! Your-you're a virgin! 'Did you get all up in dat'? Hell yeah I did! Got her so good she couldn't stand up for an hour!" Sesshomaru's face crupmpled. "Eew! Jaken, now that's really just sick! Go get the damn candles." Jaken did a mock bow to him. "Yes, your virginess!" and left.

The dog demon waited until he returned to fill the tub. "Here, sixteen white candles, your--" "Say it and I'll chop your twig off." Sesshomaru said scathingly. Jaken scampered from the room, nonetheless still cackling. Looking over the inventory, Sesshomaru picked lavender over all of the other fifty million bottles of bubble bath. A moment later, the tub was filled. "Isn't the water going to get cold? It's only seven-forty." But his job was done. Wait, music. He rolled his eyes and went over to his father's stock of CD's.

Not being one to really listen to music, he was appaled at some of the names he saw. "Who would name their self, E-40? Is that another type of car oil? And what the hell is a nickel back? Wouldn't you just say the back of a nickel? Lil Boosie? He's a grown ass man, why is he called 'lil'? Is he related to Lil Webbie? Maybe _he's _related to Spider-Man? And...my chemical romance? So someone got married to a test tube? Damn dad! What the fuck are you listening to?!" He kept digging through the cases until he came across one that said something about love songs. "Phew, I was starting to wonder if he had anything for the occasion."

Putting the CD in, he looked at the back of the case to pick a song. He picked, Making Love Between the Sheets (I think that's what it's called. It's kind of old and I'm not sure who sings it.). Sesshomaru figured it was perfect for the night his father wanted. Until Jaken came along again. "That's the song me and my wife made love to the first time. The other times was a bunch of Keith Sweat songs." Sesshomaru made a disgusted face, ripped the CD out, and threw it at him. The toad was gone long before it hit the wall.

"So, no Making Love Between the Sheets then. How about...the Isley Brothers?" He put that CD in and flipped through it until he found a slow enough song. What Would You Do (one of my favorites!). He paused it right at the begining so his father would know that that's where he should start playing it. He was about to leave the room when he thought of one more thing he could do. Jumping out of the window, he shreded several roses from Izayoi's garden and tore them up and threw them over the bed. "Ah, so romantic. Rose petals on the covers, candles set for a bubble bath, soft music playing for when you start bumpin' and grindin'. Ugh! I've really gotta get a mate."

He went downstairs and watched the L Word with Inuyasha until their father and Izayoi got home.

* * *

So, I was able to get two chapters out after all! I actually wanted to put the parts about when their parents (or Inuyasha's anyways) got home, but that wouldn've made it too long. Not really a Christmas chapter, but still, once again, merry Christmas, Felize Navidad, may peace (and tacos) be with you this holiday season! 


	8. When ! Hits the Fan

Okay, just so everyone knows, this story is not supposed to be a romance. Inutaisho is still torturing Sesshomaru (though it may not seem like it) with domestic tasks (remember him going shopping?). So, sit back and be patient. More of that sort of thing will come up later. This is just something I kind of wanted to put in here. Still, please enjoy!

**

* * *

**

When Shit Hits the Fan

Inutaisho returned a lot earlier than he said he would and by the surprised comments on the other side of the door, it sounded that Izayoi did too. "Why are you home so early?" She asked him. "Oh, you know those meetings. You go to discuss one thing and end up talking about another. Like Lord Ryoku first was saying that we need to form more alliances, but some how, the subject turned to the fact that he had dandruff. Or maybe I brought that up because his flakes were falling in my sake. And what about you? Why are you home so early?" Izayoi gave a deep sigh. "Someone...someone killed Brad Pitt..." A small sob rose in her throat. Inutaisho gave a cough with a hint of laughter in it. "Oh, gee honey. I'm sorry. I know how much you liked him, going to all of his movies, having posters of him on our walls, getting VIP passes back stage, thinking of him instead of me when having sex. But don't worry, I got something that will make that all better." Their clothes ruffled as though he enveloped her in a hug.

They stepped through the door, her head tucked in his chest, silent tears falling as she lemented over Brad Pitt's death. _Didn't shed a fuckin' tear when I died. But oh, Mr. Pitt bites the dust and the whole world is about to crumble. Maybe I should've left her dead after Takemaru got ahold of her. But then there would be no Inuyasha. The only light in my life..._ They entered the kitchen and she exclaimed in joy at seeing the food on the table. One big, black, cold pot of carrot stew. No flowers, no candles, just a cauldron between his spot and Izayoi's. Way to go Sesshomaru.

"Here, let me fix your bowl for you." She sat down and patted her eyes with her napkin. He handed her bowl to her and started fixing his. As he sat down again (having to stand to fix it due to the size of the pot), he started picking at his food. _This shit is meatless. That boy knows that's all I eat. _"Fuckin' rabbit food," Inutaisho muttered. "Hm, honey?" Izayoi asked. "Nothing." He kept picking with it. "I want a Kami damn steak." "What's wrong with this?" "There's no meat, that's what's wrong with this!" "Now, now, dearest, carrots are good for you--" "If you're too bitch enough to eat a pork chop, yeah! Give me a fuckin' hamburger, some chitlin's, something!" He reached across the table and knocked the whole pot over. The size of it drug the bowls and and glasses with it and the whole conglomerate crashed to the floor.

Staring at Izayoi with a happy expression as though nothing had went wrong he said, "Let's go check up stairs." "Yeah...let's." He took her hand and led her. As they entered the bed room, she gave another gasp at the rose pedals on the bed. "Oh, Inutaisho! I know that I said that I wouldn't sleep with you for another month. But you make me feel...something I haven't felt since you were a senior in college and I was a freshmen in high school." She started leading him to the bed, but saw the bubble bath. "You- you did that for _me_? Oh honey, you shouldn't have!" _Just why I didn't._ They went into the bathroom and she started doing a strip tease into the water. "Damn baby! Where'd you learn that?" She smiled provacativly at him. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you." "That bad, huh?" "No, seriously, I'd have to kill you. I keep a nine millimeter in my purse." "Um, right."

He was about to get in with her when she sprung back out again. "This water's cold! Honey, how long ago did you make this?" "Um, um, last night?" "I took a shower this morning and it wasn't here. Oh, well, stil there's the bed..." She gave him another look and he matched it with one of his. Taking his hand, she led him out to the bedroom again. Inutaisho noticed the CD player and pressed play on the song that Sesshomaru had ready for them. But the previous song wasn't what played.

Instead of them listening to the Isely Brother's, some heavy rock and roll blared out. "I wanna suck your blood! So it'll make me whole! I want to cut myself! To feel my soul!" Inutaisho looked over to Izayoi, who was swinging her head wildly around in circles and--get this--singing the lyrics! "I need you here tonight! To eat my pain! I want to chew you up! And lick your brain!" _What...in the...fuck... _He pressed stop on the CD player. "Dear, how about we just skip the music, hm?" Izayoi stopped swinging her head but began stumbling around from dizziness. "Sorry, guess I still have a little bit of my high school days left in me." He went up to her and wraped his arms around her. She threw up on the floor.

"Oh, god! That was close!" He looked at her again and saw that she was swaying. "Well, we can still make love. Just wipe that bit of puke off of your chin, yep, there we go! Okay, so me on top or you?" She muttered something, then crashed on the bed. Despite her state, she jumped up and was about to get up again until Inutaisho knocked her back down again with a belly flop. "Yeah, baby, yeah! You used to love me doing that back when we were about, oh I'd say, a good seven hundred years ago (to my friend, who I hope is reading this, yes once again I mentioned your idea, gomen!).

He tackled her around the waist and started rolling with her on the bed. Suddenly, a sharp pain all over caused him to jump out the bed as well. Izayoi just crashed to the floor. "The damn boy didn't just put rose pedals on the bed, he tore the whole frickin' rose up! How? I can never manage to do that without priking myself a bunch of times and giving up!" Izayoi gave a snore from the floor. "Oh well. I'll deal with that bastard later. For now, me and you have some work to do, my dearest."

But Izayoi wasn't budging."Okay, fine. I'll sleep on the floor with you." He grabbed the top blanket, shook it out, and snuggled down next to her. A few seconds in, he rolled over. Then he rolled over again. Pushing his mate nearly under the bed, he turned yet another time. "You know what, fuck this. I'll see you in the morning, honey." He gave Izayoi a kiss on the forehead and, grabbing the blanket from around her, drug it down the steps to sleep in the living room. "Ah, just like back in my bachlor days when I was sleeping on my momma's sofa."

* * *

Wow, I did three chapters! So, that definitly makes up for my lack of consistency! Sorry about this Inutaisho and Izayoi chapter when the story's supposed to be about Sesshomaru. Acutally, I think my next chapter is going to focus on Inuyasha and everyone else (who are staying in the palace with him, but I just havn't mentioned a whole lot.) So, please review and tell me if you liked this slightly off topic chapter! 


	9. Training Day

I appologize greatly for the long wait. Been a little busy with school work and things (damn I can't wait 'till I graduate next year, whoo-hoo!). But then again, I still want to go to college, so I'll still have school work then (damn!). Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. Muse is being a bit sloppy, but still I had to have something for my precious readers to read, and I hope this will tie you off till the better stuff comes along. Oh, yeah, before I forget. There's a bit of strong language used here. You know what I mean by now, words that are a little stronger than the average cuss words. Just thought I'd give ya'll a head's up. As always, enjoy (or I'll kill you!). Just kidding, nobody go and sue me!

**Training Day**

Isn't that a movie? If so, don't own!

* * *

As Inuyasha sat at the breakfast table the next morning, he was mesmerized by the way that his father was chewing his food. His mouth was wide open and he was trying to talk with it full. "You see Inuyasha, you should start training--mm, damn Izayoi this is good! Now you see, for your brother, it's too late. He's skinny and all mal-nutritioned looking. Oh, god this bacon is to die for! But you, you have a chance--" He stopped to wipe his face across his forearm, bits of bacon, sausage, and eggs being left behind. Inuyasha made a face.

_He's too damn old to be doing that. If I wanted to see food, I'dve eaten some shrimp. _His father continued talking, spearing a peice of toast with another piece of sausage and shoved them barbarically in his mouth. "What you should do--Izayoi, I think this is the best thing you've ever cooked--is go fight with the other boys around here. Maybe use your older brother as a warm up, considering his stature. Damn! This food so good, make you wanna slap yo mate. Come 'ere Izayoi!" But the woman stayed by the stove, not because she thought that he was going to hit her, no she knew he'd never do that, but because she was too lazy to walk over there.

Inuyasha left the table in a hurry. Going to his room, he dug Tetsusaiga out from under the many pillows on his bed where he kept it hidden. As he walked back down the hall, he ran into Sesshomaru. "If we fight each other, you're dead meat. You hear me? Finished! You'll be sleeping with the fishes. Well, actually, do fishes even sleep? And do they even eat meat? I mean, I know some do, like piranaha's but besides them, I don't think fish do. Well, there's also sharks. What about killer whales? Or do they eat things like plankton and alge? Or maybe--" "Alright, I get the picture!" Inuyasha cut in. "I'll be dead, got it. But How do you know that I won't beat you? I did cut your arm off." Sesshomaru gasped. "Ah! I thought you promised that you'd never speak of that again! It was just a fluke! Besides, I'm still good with my other arm." "Oh, is that so? Can you tie a shoe? Make your own bed? Wipe your own ass without losing your balance on the pot?" "Shut up! Just shut the hell up!" And he walked off furiously in the opposite direction.

So training with him was out the question. All the better. When Inuyasha got out to the dojo, his father was there waiting for him. He seemed to be talking to someone...though no one was there. "Yes, yes, I know. What? Look, it'll be okay. Shh shh, don't cry. Well, um, I don't know-- Oh, Inuyasha!" Turning back to whatever he was talking to, he said. "I'm gonna have to cut this short and get back to you later." He walked over to Inuyasha and bowed.

"Yeah, bow to me infedel since one day when you kick the bucket for the second time, this entire kingdom will be mine. And I'll dec it all out in bright colors and flowers and have signs like "Peace, Love and Happiness" all over the place so when people walk by they'll think "Hey, that half-breed isn't so bad after-all" and then we'll all get together around a campfire and tell stories about getting high while getting high." Inutaisho stared at his son for a moment then said, "Um, yeah. I tried that in my sophmore year of high school, didn't quite work out. When my dad found out my plans, he called me everything but a spawn of Satan and sent me to the army, didn't matter to him that I was only fifteen. And here I am, the man I hope you love today!

A/N: You know when someone is perhaps badly cussed out by someone and that person says that the other person called them everything but a child of God? Of course, if you're a demon, I doubt there's any godliness in you, so I said "everything but a spawn of Satan." There's another note about this I want to add, but not until the end of the chapter, so keep reading!

Inutaisho continued. "I bowed because that's what you do when you're about to fight someone." "Why? I'd just chop their head off since they're offering it." "It's to show...class, yeah, class. See, if you don't bow and there's people watching and see that you didn't, you'll never get into the yacht club. I learned that the hard way," Inutaisho said in a degrading voice. Cheering up immediatly, though, he said, "But I'm gonna teach you everything I know about Tetsusaiga! Maybe then they'll allow even you in the club. One day you're gonna make me proud that I stayed around while Izayoi was pregnant with you rather than running off with her much finer sister! Okay, let's get started!

Inuyasha lifted the sword into a fighting position. "Alright, now what do you want me to do?" He asked his father, who had been behind him. No one answered. "Father? Dad!" Inutaisho was again over by the far wall of the room and talking to someone. Inuyasha put Tetsusaiga over his shoulder and walked over to him. First thing he noticed was a shaded sword case, the light from outside not reaching the shelves. Inutaisho hadn't bothered to install electricity in there. "Dad, really, quit talking to yourself. People are going to start wondering. Hell, _I've _started wondering!" But his dad was engrossed with listening to whatever held his attention.

Suddenly, he jumped up and screamed, "That's outrageous!" "What dad, what?!" "I didn't get these shoes from Payless. I got them from Wal-Mart. They were having a sale. Oh, what was that Sounga? Oh, you're one to talk! You don't even wear shoes!" Inuyasha slumped his shoulders. _Maybe now I understand why Sesshomaru hated this guy so much. What kind of nut talks to his swords?! _"Um, look Father. I know that Sounga can talk, I've experienced that first hand and almost killed that damn kitsune with it (wish I had've. If he puts mushrooms in my bed one more time, he'll be my door mat). But I think there's more productive ways that a full grown man can be spending his time rather than talking to his swords, okay?

Inutaisho nodded, then waved good-bye to Sounga. "And don't worry, I'll polish you everyday from here on out. I promise!" They left the dojo and went outside. "Sorry you had to see that Inuyasha. It's just that--" Here he have a heavy sigh-- "I havn't paid him much attention. You came home and that's all that I was concerned about, was you. But now, Sounga wants me to spend more time with him and I just can't do it! Everybody wants time with Inutaisho but there's only one me! Just leave me the hell alone!" He was about to get up and storm back into the palace but Inuyasha grabbed his arm.

"Dad, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" "Oh, sorry, I get like that sometimes. Nothing to worry about, just need to take my Prozac ( I believe this is ment for depressions), that's all." They started up the training again. "Okay, so what you'll want to do is show me a powerful swing. No, I said powerful. Damnit Inuyasha, quit swinging like a bitch and give me a strong right cut!" Miroku, Sango and Kagome happened to be walking by and stopped to watch the chewing.

"Keep your fuckin' elbows in, yeah, there we go! Now, put your whole body into the swing, not just your torso! There--no! Boy, hold that sword right! Where the hell did you learn how to fight?" "Mother taught me a few things. She said that you and her used to go off and fight demons together." "Well, your mother made for a sorry partner. Everytime things got too deep, she'd leave me deserted, talkin' about "My feet hurt" or "I gotta tinkle." We're in the middle of an epic battle here! Piss right here, ain't like she don't be using the bathroom with the door open at home!" Inuyasha scrunched his face up and acted like he hadn't heard that.

His father called over Miroku. "Um, me, Lord Inutaisho?" He asked, shocked that he'd actually seen him and had spoken to him. He hadn't during the entire stay. "Uh, yeah you! Come here, maybe having someone that Inuyasha knows better will help him. Shame that he knows you more than his own father but that's the way the cookie crumbles."

Miroku was placed in front of Inuyasha. "There," Inutaisho said. "Now, Inuyasha, attack him. Go on, you two fight together so he should be able to dodge it." Inuyasha raised Tetsusaiga and rushed at the monk. "Addamant Barra---" Before he could finish, Miroku had ripped away the beads on his hand and--" Wind Tunnel!" The entire attack was swallowed up into the dark abyss. And the sword. Inuyasha's right arm was dragged in too, but Miroku closed it before anymore of him could go in.

"Noooooooo! My beloved!" Sango screamed and ran to him. "You're ruined! You're ugly now! But wait! Two men for the price of one! Perhaps this is what Akitoki would call "A fortunate misfortune!" Kagome did a perfect example of Inuyasha by huffing and crossing her arms, turning her head away from them. "Yeah, Sango, think that all you want. But even though he's attached to Miroku, he'll drag him along to go see Kikyou again. Hell, the damn monk will go willingly enough anyways. It doesn't matter that he's stuck to Inuyasha, it's all more pussy for him."

Everyone stared at her with wide eyes. "Kagome Shitashi Mayomi Higurashi the second! How could you say that!" Sango asked. How the hell she knows her whole generation's last names is a mystery. "It's the truth. Look at him." Miroku was talking to himself with his eyes closed, a smile on his face. "Ah, Lady Kikyou! Oh, it's okay, we can invite Tsubaki too. The more the merrier!"

Sango looked at him, the turned away with a disgusted face. "Kirara, sick 'em." Kirara tackled Miroku/Inuyasha and started ripping into him. "Wait, Sango honey! Sugar buns! I promise I won't make fun of you anymore when you try to drop it like it's hot cause you ain't got nothing! Sango come back!" But the demon slayer kept walking, leaving the cat to maul both him and the half-demon.

* * *

Okay, a sudden stop! Do Miroku and Inuyasha get unstuck? Will Inutaisho dump Sounga for Tetsusaiga? Will I ever brush my teeth?! Find out on the next exciting episode of...Tales of Interest! Okay, enough of that! Oh, I had wanted to elaborate about the first author note I put in here. Well, actually, it's a bit off topic to what Inutaisho was saying. But what really amazes me about this show (the real version!) is that when you usually mention demons, people think of creatures from hell. But to give demons--nice?-- personalities, well, that's pretty different. Not only that, but the main character is based off of man's best friend, a dog. Cute! See, someone had told me that I don't care about Rumiko Takahashi's characters since I write them out of character (ooc). But I just gave her her props! Okay, enough of that. Please, pretty please with brown sugar and spice and everything that has to do with guacamole on it, review! (What the fuck _is _guacamole?!) 


	10. Armed Robbery?

So sorry for the tremendous wait, folks. I recently put out a song fict if any one wants to check that out (to the song, Gonna Tell Everybody by Chrisina Milian) and school is still weighing heavily on my shoulders. Oh well, let me not bore you with the details. Here you go! And remember to remain seated until the chapter is over!

**

* * *

**

**Armed Robbery?**

Inuyasha pulled uselessly against Miroku. The other pulled also, but not because of their proximity, but because of the demon cat who was attacking him. After about twenty minutes, Kirara seemed resigned to hurt him any further. The monk now supported two blackened eyes, a swollen lip, an arm that hung at a weird angle, and cuts all over. Inuyasha on the other hand, was completly fine. "Stupid ass cat," Miroku muttered quietly to himself so the cat wouldn't hear him.

They stood up and Inuyasha began pulling again. "I don't think I appreciate your hand all up in my face," he said. "You know, there's an easy way to solve that," Inutaisho said. "Cut it off," he finished just as Sesshomaru was walking out the door. He took a look at them and burst out laughing. "Ha! Go on dad! Yeah, then lets see what _you _can do with one arm! Bet _you _can't balance on the toilet! Bet you can't play a PS3! Bet you can't collect easter eggs!" "Why the fuck would I want to collect easter eggs?!" Inuyasha screamed at him. Sesshomaru shrugged. "I dunno, but now you won't be able to just in case you change your mind!" He folded his arm (yeah, one arm!) and stood back to watch them.

Inutaisho went back into the dojo and grabbed Sounga. "See, told you I'd start paying more attention to you. Yes, I know, I know, your feelings are hurt. But now I have a job for you to do. You can do it, can't you Sounga?" Everyone stared at him as he continued to talk to the sword. Sesshomaru gave a sideways glance at Inutaisho, then turned half-way around and pulled out a tape recorder and said into it, "Note to self, watch out for dad. Also, I seem to be having a strange craving for vanilla pudding. Must remember to get some."

Inutaisho walked over, sword in tow, and lifted it. "You know you were always my favorite son, right Inuyasha?" Inuyasha looked up at him with large golden eyes, pleading with him not to do this. "Y-yes," he stammered. "And I'll always like you even with one arm." _Like? The bastard can't even say he loves me? _"Um, sure. But Sess-" "Relax, my child! Peace be with you! Do not be frightened!" "I'm not! I'm just trying to say that you said that you'll love me with one arm when you don't love Sess--" "Love?!" Inutaisho stopped his preaching and stared at him. "Who the hell said anything about loving anybody?"

Inuyasha dragged him and Miroku away from the sword, the latter looking like he was having seizures from just being near it. Inuyasha glanced at him, turned his head away from him so he wouldn't have to see the foam that was coming from his mouth, then said to his father, "Demons can love. You love my mother, don't you?" Inutaisho blinked at him, then lifted the sword. "Wait, you ignorant mother-fucker! Answer the damn question!" But Inutaisho ignored his son and raised the sword higher.

Just as he was about to bring the blade down inbetween Miroku and Inuyasha, someone shouted from near the palace. "Stop!" Everyone turned their heads to see who it was. Kaede. She walked up to them at a very, _very, _slow pace. Inutaisho impatiently tapped his foot and checked his watch five times before she finally stood in front of him, ten minutes later. "Hol--hold up a sec while ye catches her breath," she panted. Another ten minutes passed. "Okay, you don't have to cut off the arm of Inuyasha and the lecherous monk's hand." "What the hell are you doing here, Oh Ancient One?" Sesshomaru asked sarcastically. "Telling ye's mama how sorry I am that ye was born," Kaede said in the same tone back.

"No, but really, I came on request of Izayoi," the old woman continued. "She says her glocoma's getting worse, so I brought her some herbs to help her in her aging years. My, those herbs can do wonders... oh, anyways, on leaving I couldn't help but look over and see the predicament the two boys are in. Though both could probably do with losing a limb, Miroku because of his constant floundering, and Inuyasha because he could've done better than to give my sister some second hand lipstick. Nobody wanted ye dead momma's rouge. But, let's let by-gone's be by-gone's. If someone would be so kind as to gather a few things for me, I can create a concoction, along with a spell, that'll free the two of them."

Inutaisho cocked his head in thought. Kagome and Sango shook their heads no, Miroku and Inuyasha was nodding their heads yes, and Sesshomaru was taking a leak in Izayoi's rose bushes. "Noooo!" Inutaisho screamed and ran toward him. Sesshomaru straightened out his clothes and prepared for a fight, but his father ran right past him. Snatching a box of Trix out of a white rabbit's hands, he said, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." Then downed the entire box himself. _3000 going on 3, _Sesshomaru thought.

Swallowing hard, Inutaisho said, "Fine, Kaede. I'll send someone to get whatever the hell it is you need. But damnit, I want my prized son back. I'll send that other kid to go get the stuff for you." Pointing to Sesshomaru he said, "You, go get her shit. And hurry up, you still have to scrape the corns from beneath my feet with your claws." Sesshomaru looked like he was about to be sick. Kaede walked up to him and handed him a list.

"These are the things ye need. Bring them quickly, I doubt thy brother and friend would like to bed down together tonight." "It's only 11:30 in the morning," Sesshomaru said, but Kaede held up a hand at the sound of some kind of chirp. A very familiar chirp, one that he had heard somewhere before, like on TV. Kaede pulled a cell phone from her pocket. That would explain it, she had Boost Mobile. "Hey, I'm in Lord Inutaisho's crib gettin' my freak on! Where you at?" A pause, then, "You know where I'm at and I know where you be, and Dantrel knows where we is, so how about we cut out all this shiznit cuz we all know where each other from?" Everyone exchanged glances at one another.

She hung up the phone. "Sorry, that was my home dog, Snoopy. We cool, so he said it's okay that I call him that. So... Sesshomaru, what the hell are ye still doing here?" "You heard the woman, douche bag, get that shit!" Inutaisho said, shoving Sesshomaru towards the surrounding woods. _And once again, I play errand boy. _

The first thing on the list was some kind of plant that was impronouncable. "What the hell is-ro...rosachi...mili...fuli...carmus? Man, this shit is wack! And how am I supposed to know what it looks like?" After a few minutes of hopping through the trees (and falling through them) he gave up on it because he lacked the grace that his younger brother had gained from using them as his childhood refuge. Two sprained ankels later, he stepped out of the woods and onto a cliff ledge that over looked a village. "Perhaps they can tell me what the fuck ro...sachi...mili...fulicarmus is. Or if it even exists."

He desended down the slope and stopped the first person he came to, a young woman who was carrying a cloth pack on her back. " 'Ey, yo bitch. Can you please tell me what the fuck is rosachimilifulicarmus?" The woman put an indignant hand on her hip, then reached behind her and produced a bow and an arrow. "Leave at once, foul being, or I shall shoot." "Look lady, I don't want any trouble. All I want is to know if you have any of that long ass name I said earlier. If not, then I'll leave you be. If you do, give it here and I'll be on my way. What's with all the hostility?" "You called me a bitch, that's what!" She shrieked. In her hysteria, she released the arrow. It stabbed him in his chest.

Immediatly, he went down. "Cold...so...cold..." he gasped, his voice growing weak. "Oh no!" the woman said, kneeling at his side. "I appologize. You can call me a bitch all you want, just don't die on me! You're gonna grow strong and marry some lucky demoness and you guys are gonna have lots of little demon snots running around taking after their daddy and bossing humans around also." She was almost in tears now. Sesshomaru raised a shaky hand and beckoned her closer with a finger.

She leaned in. "If...if I die...tell my brother...that I love him..." The woman sniffed and nodded. "Okay, if you die, I'll tell your brother that I love him," she said. Sesshomaru's eyes widened in horror and he sat up, ripped the arrow from his chest, and walked off.

"Crazy ass broad," he mumbled to himself. There were many things on the list and still he had not found any ro...sachi..mili...fulicarmus. He sighed. This was definatly going to be a very long day.

* * *

And so, there it is. After Kami knows how long, I have finished a chapter! (the words "chapter" echo through the air as I'm standing on a mountain. And why...?). Anyways, of course I hope all of you liked it and please go check out my songfict, though I tried not to be too humorus with it. It's supposed to be sad, though I do admit that near the end, I couldn't help myself! Well, please review! Please? Come on now, don't make me beg! Okay, fine, there, I'm down on my knees (nobody get any wrong ideas!). Now will you review?! Oh, good! Thought I was going to have to use some brute force on ya! 


	11. Gossip Folks

Hiya! Sorry that it's been another long while and I bet you guys just couldn't wait until I came out with my next chapter! Well, here it is! Read it, like it, or die! (playing as always!)

**

* * *

**

Gossip Folks

(name of a Missy Elliot song!)

Several hours later, Sesshomaru still hadn't found any of the rosachi-mili-fulicarmus that Kaede needed. He stopped and wiped his forehead. "Damn, it's hotter than two rats gettin' booty in a wool sock out here!" Luckily, there was a resturant in the village that he was traveling by. Despite the fact that it was a human village, he went in. Besides, at one point he used to rule over it all anyways.

Taking a seat near the back, he waited until someone came to present him with a menu. While waiting, he examined himself in a small hand mirror he carried in his pocket. "Ugh, look at this face. It's so beautiful, it's disgusting. Slap yourself, you dirty whore! You dirty, dirty whore!" Something in the reflection of the mirror caught his attention and he put it down. The waiter was there, bowing on the floor. "You know, unless you just came from the pen, you might want to get off the floor like that. That short kimono you're wearing shows everything. And I mean _everything. _Like, if I wanted to, I could lean a little this way, yep, like so, and see, oh, how about your--dude, why the fuck arn't you wearing any draws?!" He shook his head and snatched the menu from him.

"Let's see...I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa." He was about to close the menu when something else caught his attention. "No, wait, change that. This salmon Rockefeller sounds kinda...kinky. I'll have this. Oh, and afterward, I'd like a slice of ya'lls better than sex cake. That way I'll be able to look back after my first time and say, "You know, that cake really _is _better than sex!" The man bowed silently, then rose. As he was about to leave, Sesshomaru stopped him. "Damn! When you stand, you can _still _see everything! Ah, that shit's disgusting! And when you walk, you kick 'em!" He turned his head away and gagged. The man left.

A/N: Did anyone catch where I got Sesshomaru's first choice of food from? Any guesses? Hint, it's a commercial that still shows to this date, though it's starting to get on in it's years. Still anyone in the dark? Another hint, it's a car insurance commercial. How about reviewing and telling me what your guess is? Or, how about I quit being a bitch and just tell ya'll? It's a Geico commercial, the second one in this new on-going series of the "It's so easy, a caveman can do it" story. Also, as for the second thing he ordered, it's something that I had at resturant and loved ever since (so yeah, it's not a meal I made up!) Anyways, back to the show!

A few minutes later, the waiter came back and set the platter with the salmon down next to him. Sesshomaru gave it an odd look, sniffed it, then cocked his head to the side. "What is this shit? You call this food?!" He wolfed down the plate's contents with his bare hands, then swiped it off the table and into a wall, breaking it. "I refuse to pay! Now bring me my better than sex cake!" The waiter bowed and scurried off. "And you better have some underwear on, a thong, something when you get back!" Sesshomaru called after him.

Seconds later, he came back, drawless. Once again, Sesshomaru sniffed the food. Then he pulled back his head and blinked a few times. Sniffing it again, the dug into the moist desert with his fingers, licking them loudly and smacking. When the cake was gone, he picked up the plate and licked it clean, dog style (not doggy!). That finished, the threw that plate into the wall like a discus. "And that was supposed to be better than sex?! Well, it was good, but I ain't paying for it either!" He got up in a huff. "Good day to you sir." He pulled out a $100 bill and flicked it at him. "Here, go buy you some underwear with that. The good kind, like boxers, don't buy none of that dollar shit that's supposed to last six months but you keep 'em for eight years." _Like I do._

Leaving the resturant, he continued on through the village. Near the far end of it, and situated near the back, he could smell herbs being boiled. "Perhaps this is where I can find all of Kaede's things." Pulling back the straw mat hanging from the doorway, he entered. An elderly woman who looked to be about the same age as the priestess was sitting in front of the pot that was boiling the water. Off to the side was a large crystal ball. _An herbalist and a soothsayer _(fortune teller)_. This oughtta make things interesting. _He strode across the room and rudely sat down without being asked do. _Yeah, that's how you do it, just don't give a fuck._

But the woman didn't seem to mind. In fact, she seemed to brighten at his sudden intrusion. "Well, hello there dearie! I'm just making me up a batch of some good old fashion cough syrup. Would you like to try it out for me?" Sesshomaru peeked into the pot and looked at the dark, bubbling contents. It neither looked nor smelled like cough syrup. Truthfully, it seemed like she had put moss, seaweed, and somebody's foot fungus all together. He wrinkled his nose and said, "No, I believe I'll leave your mystery concoction for you to try." She shrugged, then spooned out a bit.

As soon as the contents were down her throat, she fell into spasms. "Aw, no! Why the old hag gotta die on _me?!_" Sesshomaru wailed. The woman choked, spluttered, then fell on the floor in a very weird position, her left hand pulling down the bottom of her left eye, her right hand tugging at the corner of her mouth, exposing gums. Sesshomaru crept closer. "I _could _use Tetseiga. I could...But I also could just leave and say I saw nothing." He stretched out his arms nonchalantly, then was about to stand when the woman stirred. A moment later, she sat up and went back to stirring the pot as though nothing had happened.

"My that's a pretty good brew! You sure you don't want none?" Sesshomaru was all but prepared to have a heart attack at the woman's sudden resuscitation. He mutely shook his head. She shrugged again. "Well, at least let me tell you your furtune. You seem as though you've traveled from afar. Are you from the continent?" Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like I came from the continent?" The woman squinted at him. "Ye's eyes are not as good as they used to be." "Oh come on now! A blind person could have told you that I'm a native Japanese, born and raised, on the battle field is where I spend most of my days. Chillin out maxin' and relaxin' all cool and all and shootin' some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of demons who were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one small fight and my pops got scared he said "You're gonna learn how to fight cause I can't have no bitch as my heir." He stopped the song there.

A/N: Liked my feudal Japan remix to the theme song of _Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_? Don't know what composed me to write that, but then again, what composes me to write any of the stuff I have? Well, continue reading!

The woman shook her head. "Well, I don't know about all of that, but still my question remains. Do you want your future told?" Sesshomaru sighed. "Ah, what the hell. Might as well. Maybe I can find out if dad change's his mind about the damn hanyou being lord of the western lands." They walked over to the crystal ball and she took up her place behind it, him on the other side. "Azarath...metrion...synthose!" She muttered under her breath while waving her hands around the ball.

A/N: Yeah, another one of these. Anyone catch where I got the woman's chant? If you don't watch cartoons (Cartoon Network), then you probably are clueless as to her words. I won't say it here, you'll have to wait till next chapter! Yeah, ain't that a bitch!

A white smoke clouded the ball and figures could be distinguished from inside it. Sesshomaru leaned closer. "Oh, my! Oh, dear! Why, that's quite extrodinary!" She exclaimed. "What, what, what?!" Sesshomaru said, jogging his knee to keep calm. "My, I see...I see...I see a life of hardship ahead of you. Or is that what's happening now? Anyways, you have a dark scenario lying ahead of you. First, you will eat a vanilla pudding!" Sesshomaru stopped his fidgeting. "What?! What's supposed to be so dark about that?" "You're alergic to vanilla pudding!" she said in a low whisper. "Oh. And here I am having cravings for it. Go on."

She continued to brush her fingers along the globe. "You will be forced to watch things like _Oprah_, _Tyra Banks, Dr. Phil, _and _Maury _everyday!" Sesshomaru sucked in his breath. "No!" "Yes! And that's not even the worst of it! The worst of it is...You'll like it!" "Nooooooooooo!" Sesshomaru screeched. He picked up the crystal ball and threw it across the room, smashing it to peices. A dead silence fell on the room. "Kami, dammit boy! Do you know what a good crystal ball costs these days?! They're frickin' expensive! I had to get that one from the black market!" "Arn't things from the black market generally higher in price?" Sesshomaru asked. "Don't patronize me!" she screamed at him. He simply raised an eyebrow at her.

"Look, if you didn't like your future, there are two ways to change it." She reached behind her and produced two things that were small enough to fit in each hand. Opening one, she said, "You can either choose to take the red pill and erase all that I've told you while going about your simplistic life eating vanilla pudding and watching talk shows. Ooorrrr..." And here she opened up her other hand. "You can take the green pill and walk the path of destiny that calls you and become The Chosen One." Sesshomaru stared at her. "Do I look like Keanu Reves? Do I look like my name is Neo? And what if I decide not to take either pill, oh mighty Oracle? What if I just continue down my own road of destiny? And those arn't even real pills! They're Mike N' Ike's!" She gave a shrug and popped them in her mouth.

"Oookay then," He said, getting up. "Look, I had a lot of fun. Maybe I can come back another time and we can do this all again? No? Well, that's okay, didn't really like this place anyways." The woman blinked at him but said nothing. "Oh, before I forget. I was wondering if you have any rosachimilifulicarmus." The woman sighed warily and handed a large elephant leaf looking plant to him. "Take it and leave at once." "Why can't I leave at twice?" Sesshomaru countered, not making any sense. He pulled the list of things out from a sleeve pocket of his kimono and handed it to her.

A few moments later, she slid a pack of herbs and small trinkets toward him. "Except for the monkey knuckles on the list, you have everything. _Now, _leave at once." Sesshomaru bowed sarcastically and left.

Out on the streets, he wondered where he could get monkey knuckes. "Naraku wears a baboon pelt. Perhaps the hands are still on it? And if so, would he be willing to part with its hands? Besides, running around dressed like a baboon is just...nasty!" He knew the difference between a monkey and a baboon, but figured that since they belonged to the same family, it wouldn't really matter. Would it? He shrugged for the umpteenth time that day and set out to look for Kaede's last item, the monkey knuckles.

* * *

Personally, I believe this chapter lacked in humor from my normal amount. Sorry, another hard chapter for me! No, school's not so much the reason right now, I guess I'm just going through a blue period. Some small notion in the deep recessess of my mind said to just quit writing, but how messed up would that be to do something like that in the middle of a story?! But I want to finish, and I want to finish this story in a very good way, so I'ma stick this out! I'm asking everyone to bear with me if I don't have a continuous updating consistancy or if my chapters lack...depth? Also, though I have my next chapter kind of mapped out, I still wouldn't mind hearing your ideas! So, as the norm for right here is, review and tell me what _you _thought. And try to see if you know where I got the old woman's magical words from! 


	12. Dueling Demons

So, I decided that I'd update two chapters since it's been so long. Hurray! Oh what, you guys arn't happy that I did that? Nobody appreciates the nice things I do! Well fine! Maybe I won't say where I got that old woman's magical words from in the last chapter! Okay, that would be a really wrong thing to do, even if it's not really important. But I promised, so here it is. Now, don't laugh, but I got it from Teen Titans (waiting to hear laughter. Does any come?) Ooooh 'kay then. So, I'm not sure how that all went down. The character Raven on there always is saying "azarath metrion synthose" though what the hell it means and it's true purpose is beyond me. And no, I don't still watch it! I'm seventeen, how would that look?! But in my younger teen years I didn't mind watching it. Okay, enough of my and my old cartoon watchin' ass! Go ahead and read the chapter!

**

* * *

**

Dueling Demons

The day was still young and the sky was clear. Such weather put Sesshomaru in a really good mood, not caring if he would spend the rest of his days watching _Oprah _like a hopeless mid-thirty year old hanging on every word that came out of her mouth as though it were an audio Bible. Something in the young man's spirit possessed him to do something that he'd never done before, something that was so beyond the normal Sesshomaru, that if anyone was there, they would look at him and say "I've never knew you could do that before," and that'd be the end of it. But still, it was a very interesting thing for him to do! For the first time ever, our precious lord and sav--okay, I can't say that without risking being struck by lightning, but the former Lord Sesshomaru sang. And not just any song, some old Brittany Spears song.

"I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. All I need is time, a moment that is mine, while I'm inbetween. I'm not a girl..." "Nice to know that," a cocky voice said from somewhere in the bushes. Kouga stepped out. "Now, Lord, I mean, _Prince _Sesshomaru. There's something that I've wanted to do for a long time. And now that you're alone, I can do it cause there's no one here to stop me. And, also since you have no back up, you can't refuse or resist it. Prince Sesshomaru, I challenge you to a duel!" Sesshomaru gasped, grabbing his chest and backing up. "No! I--this--this is so sudden!" But he straightned up, regaining his composure. "Fine. Let's do this."

Kouga reached into his fur pelt and pulled a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards out. Sesshomaru made a horrific expression. "Ugh! Where the hell did you get that?! You don't wear any underwear so where'd you store it? You know what, I don't think I wanna know." He reached into his kimono sleeve and pulled out a deck of cards as well.

They shuffled for a while, then sat down on the ground. Kouga pulled a folded peice of paper out from somewhere that was the set-up mat for the game (I'm not sure if the Yu-Gi-Oh! cards have that. I remember that Pokemon cards did.). Finally, they set their cards down and drew the amount needed. "Me or you first?" Kouga asked. Sesshomaru shrugged and pulled out a coin. Flipping it, in mid air he caught it, then flipped it over on the back of his hand. Without raising his other hand, he asked "Oh, I forgot. Heads or tails?" Kouga shrugged also. "Um...tails." Sesshomaru uncovered the coin. "Tails it is!" The wolf laid his active card face down, then sat back and said, "Your go."

They played back in forth for awhile, neither really attacking. Finally, Kouga drew a card, his face brightening. "Ha! Now you're finished! I play Gaia, the fierce knight! With over 2000 attack points, he's sure to cause devastation!" Sesshomaru looked shocked. _Oh no! How can I defeat that! _Then suddenly, some one started speaking to him. _Sesshomaru, use the heart of the cards. _He looked around. "Who the hell said that?" _It is I, that other person that's always with you but never speaks to you until you really need me. You know, the guy you created when you were five years old but just "convienently" forgot about? How about looking at what's around your neck right now? _Sesshomaru looked down and saw a huge gold pyramid with an eye in the center on his neck. "Damn, didn't know I got down like that!"_ Yeah, whatever. Anyways, you have to use the heart of the cards to defeat his monster. You can do it, just believe in the cards._

"What kind of half baked ass idea is that? Use the heart of the cards! They're not real living things you know!" Sesshomaru drew a card. It was a wierd arm looking thing with a chain around it. He had about four other cards like that, each a different part of a body. "Man, I quit! All I'm getting is spare parts." _NO! _The voice shouted. _Don't you realize what you're holding? _"Uh, no." Sesshomaru scoffed. The voice sounded excited. _You hold the entire form of Exodia! He's the strongest monster in the Duel Monsters game! _"And I'm supposed to care...why?" The voice now sounded exasperated. _"Well you can beat Kouga, duh! Now play it you dumb ass! _

Sesshomaru gave his own sigh, but arranged the cards on the field in the order that they seemed they should go. When all was finished, he had assembled a large beastly looking creature with chains all around it. For some reason, he felt really charged. Out of nowhere, he shouted, "I play the mighty Exodia with 3000 hit points! Exodia, obliterate!" Of course nothing really happened. Sesshomaru picked up Kouga's monsters and placed them in the discard pile. Kouga was drained entirely of his life points; the dog demon had won. As soon as that last blow was delivered, the gold pyramid disappeared. "You know, you could have let me keep that. Put a platnium chain on it and I would've really been iced out! But...I guess it just wasn't ment to be."

They stood up and shook hands. "Good game, play ya next Tuesday?" Kouga asked. "I'll have to check my schedule, but if I have nothing planned, yeah we'll duel again." They bowed respectfully at each other, then continued on their ways. "Well, that was fun," Sesshomaru muttered, a smile gracing his face. He continued to sing Brittany Spears songs, but this time it was "Lucky".

* * *

Completly senseless, I know. But the idea was there and I had to use it! Now I bet everyone is wondering why I based an entire chapter off of a dueling card game/show. Yes, another cartoon I used to watch! And the voice that Sesshomaru was hearing was equal to Yugi's little conscious like guy who says locked up in the pyramid around his neck (it's called the millennium item puzzle. Don't ask.). I shouldn't know all of this and if anyone's clueless, it's okay. This chapter has nothing to do with the real story. Just a random piece for humor's sake. Still, feel free to review! 


	13. If Loving You is Wrong

So, didn't take too long for me to up-date this time! Hurrah! This chapter also doesn't have much to do with the story, just something else that I wanted to put. Well, it might be mentioned later, but if so, it won't matter too much if you don't read it (though I hope you do!). Anyways, please do read and enjoy! And remember, you're a goofy goober (Spongebob movie)!

**

* * *

**

If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right

For Inutaisho!)

Back at the palace, Miroku and Inuyasha eagerly awaited Sesshomaru's return. Sitting on the ground, they watched Inutaisho, who was still talking to Sounga, while they played War with ordianary cards (I say ordinary because for those of you who read that last senseless chapter, you'd know what other kind of cards I was talking about!). Inuyasha laid down the ace of clubs. Miroku laid down the ace of spades. A real war!

"I...D...clare...war!" They said in union, setting down the appropriate amount of cards and flipping over the last one. Inuyasha had played a king, but Miroku's last card was the ace of diamonds. Grinning, he scooped up all of the cards that were between them. "Man, this shit sucks!" Inuyasha screamed, throwing the stack down. He tried to get up and leave, but him being "glued" to Miroku only dragged him back down. "Oh, so you decided to "stick" around?" the monk asked. Inuyasha glared at him for the pun.

A/N: Does anyone understand the rules of War? It's quite simple, really. All you do is, pass out the cards between you and how ever many other players are playing until the deck is gone (minus the jokers). Then you take turns laying down a card. Whoever's card is higher in power (for example, ace beats king, king beats queen, queen...you get it.) wins that hand and takes up both or all of the cards to be used again when the cards that are in their hand runs out (you set those cards aside until then). But, if you and the opponent lay down the same card, you both "declare war", which is what Inuyasha and Miroku were doing. It's broken down into four syllables and you lay a card for each one, flipping over the fourth card. Whoever's is higher, wins everything. You keep going until only one person holds the entire deck again. See, simple. Though...the game can take forever! Okay, get back to reading!

The two boys were were stuck together said little as the game progressed. Inutaisho was oblivious to everyone except his conversation with the sword, and Kaede, who was still outside, was getting blowed up (yeah, I ment to put "blowed up"! It's slang!) with a hairpin twisted around the end of a small joint, a method to hold it by without burning her fingers (I really shouldn't know that...). So, everyone was doing their own thing. Suddenly, a omnious black shadow loomed over them.

"Oh my Buddha! It's a bird!" Miroku said. "No, it's a plane!" Inuyasha corrected him. "_No,_ it's a bird!" Miroku shouted. "You must be blind not to see that it's a plane! Even Ray Charles could've seen that!" "You only know what a plane is by what Kagome's described it as. And _that _doesn't look like a plane!" "Well, it's no bird either!" Inuyasha huffed. They tried to turn away from eachother but since Inuyasha was linked to him up to his elbow, the most he could get was turning his head to the side.

Everyone watched as whatever it was that was making the shadow decended. A loud moo was heard over the silence. Totosai. The old man looked past all of them, he gaze resting on Kaede. She stood slowly, as though in a dream. Then, she started toward him. The swordsmith walked toward her. Soon they were running, I mean, shuffling towards the other, not being able to "run" due to the fear of breaking something or throwing out their backs or slipping a disk--?

They fiercely embraced one another. Then, after a moment of staring into one another's eyes, they started trading slob. "Ugh!" Everyone said, except Miroku. "Hey, hey, hey! Jackpot!" Inuyasha tried to look away from them, but due to the seating postion they were in, he had no choice but to face the old couple. After they were done, they wiped the dribble from their mouths and, linking their arms around each other's waits, they addressed the crowd.

"I bet you all are wondering--" He paused, swishing his mouth around in a self-conscious circle, then turned to Kaede. "I think you have my dentures." The priestess' eyes widend, then she opened her mouth and spit a pink and white object into Totosai's hands. The old man gave her a peck on the cheek, then put his mouth peice in.

"As I was saying, I quite sure you two are confused as to the even that just happened before you." "More like sickened," Inuyasha mumbled. Totosai's head snapped around at him. "What you say sonny?! Speak up!" Inuyasha's ears lowered, as did his head. Yes, he was punked by the old man.

"Anyways, I-- now where was I? Damnit boy, you done made me lose my track of thought." Kaede whispered something in his ear. "Oh, yes! That's right! As I was saying, me and my sugar lumps here are engaged!" There was no clapping or cheering, only wide-eyed wonderment. Then, Inutaisho finally spoke to Kaede. "If I had known that you were attracted to guys with flying bovine, I would've stolen that cow from him long ago." All heads turned his way. "What? _What?! _Oh, you can't tell me that Kaede isn't one hell of a woman! Just look at that rump! Check out that rump! Go head, check up on it, boys! Now that's a real woman there!"

"I thought you said that Kikyou was a real woman." Inuyasha said, getting defensive over his old love. "She is too. It runs in the family, you didn't know? Now, they say that if you want to know what your girl is going to look like in the future, you should look at their mother. Well, their momma's probably dead and if she isn't she isn't strong enough for sexual intercourse anyways. So in this case, you'll have to look at the now older sister. And I'll tell ya, I'm lookin' and I'ma likin'!" Everyone's face crumpled up in disgust.

Totosai, though, was seething. "You dare check out my woman! I'll kill you!" He shuffled over to Inutaisho, who continued turning his head this way and that, trying to look at Kaede in different angles. The old man took five minutes to reach him from a distance of two yards. When he finally got up to the glazed-eyed demon, he punched him in the shoulder. A loud pop could be heard afterward. Inutaisho barely moved.

"Oh, my hip!" Totosai wailed. When he had twisted his body back to get some more momentum, he had dislocated his hip. But he was evidently weak and old, so the punch was really more of a pat. Kaede hurried over as fast as she could, stopping to take puffs on the joint along the way. Finally, after another five minutes, she too was where the "action" was happening.

She fiddled around with the old man for a few moments until another loud pop was heard and the hip was back in place. The old couple smiled at eachother again, then was locked into a head-lock and started passionetly making-out again. And the crowed averted their eyes, while Miroku continued to watch on.

* * *

Okay, this is the second time that I've done something dealing with elderly love. And why? Well, Valentine's Day is coming, but that has nothing to do with it. Wait, it is, isn't it? Ha! I completly forgot about that! Maybe I should've saved this for that day, that way you guys would've had a nice, romanitc chapter! Naw, just playing! Anyways, be and honest critic and tell me what you think! 


	14. The Wonders of the Ferris Wheel

Sorry, been awhile, I know. But here you go, something to ease ya'lls nerves. I hope.

**What Happens on the Ferris Wheel,**

**Stays on the Ferris Wheel**

* * *

It was late afternoon before Sesshomaru stopped again. This time, it wasn't because he felt hot or bothered. No, never him. This time, what caught his attention was a huge Ferris Wheel in the distance. He grinned to himself, figuring that he'd finally get a chance to ride the huge wheel, an experience denyed him in his childhood.

A flashback occured to Sesshomaru and he was left with an expression on his face like Raven has when she's predicting the future. In the flashback, he was a child of no more than eight or nine (in human years). He was going over the crest of a hill when he saw a similar Ferris Wheel. "Oh, Father! Isn't it magnificint?" He said, pulling at his father's pants leg. "Yes, nothing compares with spending five-thousand yen to make out with a geisha," Inutaisho said with a dreamy stare and a smile on his face. "Um, no Father. I mean the huge spinning wheel thingy." His father stopped abruptly and stared at him. Then, without warning, he pulled out his belt.

"What'd I tell you about using improper grammer?! No...more...fragmented...sentences! I'm tired of you doing my writing for me on Word and the damn shit has red lines all over it because you want to take short cuts with spelling." Sesshomaru rubbed his now sore ass, then said. "I'm sorry father." "Even if you are sorry, just don't do it again. Damn, you're not helping to teach your younger brother good ethnic skills, using words like 'dis' or 'trippin'. We Japanese don't use that kind of language! Now, what is the _right _thing that you wanted to say?" "Nothing," the younger demon said, lowering his head in shame over his illiteracy.

Flashback to the present. Yes, he never got over that ass-whooping. So, now was his time of redemption. He cut across the field seperating him from the awaiting ride. What he failed to notice was that there was a main gate. Instead of going through it, he slipped in through the back where there were pig pens. Several people gave him curious looks but he did his customary thing to get it all to stop. "What the fuck ya'll lookin' at?" They immediately turned their heads. _Yeah, that's how you do. Straight don't give a damn. _

He wrinkled his nose as he passed the pigs. But there was a very large form crouched among them. Sesshomaru's curiosity got the better of him and he went to see exactly what it was. He was shocked to find that the form was a pig, no, scratch that, a hog. Chokyukai was standing on all fours, while four judges inspected him. He held his head up with pride, trying to look as "humble" as possible.

"Well, I tell you fellers now, you'd be hard-pressed to find a pig better n' that 'round herr. Unless, of course, you count Wilbur." The judges glanced at the smaller pig who was staring intently at a spider's web. Unfortunatly for Wilbur, he could speak (only to other animals) but not read. For example, he was completly oblivious to the fact that the web which was supposed to prolong his life read "Finger lickin' good." A few spectators near him were nodding assent.

Sesshomaru went over to Chokyukai. "So, I see that you've found a new past time hobby. What, hypnotizing women wasn't fullfilling enough?" The pig snorted. "_You're _one to talk. No, I had tried a new method of hypnotizing with some Hypnotic. Unfortunatly, the name doesn't quite live up to its supposed outcome. The women were only drunk, not hypnotized and it wore off too quickly. Though they had hangovers when they woke up in the morning, they still remembered me." "Well, uh, yeah! I mean, look at you! There's no way you can forget your big ass!" Strangly, the dog demon gave himself a smirk. _Score one for Sesshomaru. _

Chokyukai looked like he was about to attack when the judges placed a large blue ribbon around his neck. He stared at it for a moment, then stood up on two legs, tears streaming down. "I--I'd like to thank my farmer, Mr. Brown, and I'd like to thank Joe for giving me his slop every morning. I'd also like to extend a thanks to my mom, what a wonderful sow she was. And to anyone who I forgot, thank you!"

A farmer grabbed his arm and led him to a very large shed looking structure. He stood aside as Chokyukai entered it. "Hey, this place is kinda nice. Is this what I get for winning first place? Though there's a bit too much metal for my liking. And everything's so sharp! Wait! What! Noooo--" A loud grinding could be heard as a wave of crimson shot out of the "shed". Mr. Brown walked over to the other side and started picking up the bundles on the ground, all that was left of Chokyukai.

A/N: Yeah, the slaughter house (which is what it was) also did the packaging. A strange twist of ingenuity, if I may say so myself! And yeah, you can tell that I don't know a damn thing about them since I said that a wave of crimson just shot out of the "shed". Well, I wanted you to get the picture. Okay, get's back to readin'!

_How unsanitary!_ Sesshomaru thought. _That farmer blew his snot on the ground!_ He continued his path toward the ferris wheel. But something out the corner of his eye stopped him. He was being followed. There were too many people to pin-point who it was or if he even knew the person. They were hiding in the shadows. He shrugged and kept on walking. Yet the form still followed him. His breathing became faster. He started running but the form kept up with him. He dipped and dodged through the game stands. The form was still on his heels.

"Oh, God! This is _I Know What You Did Last Summer _all over again! Except I didn't do anything last summer!" "Oh, yes you did!" The form said from behind the lucky ducks game. Coming out from the shadows, Sesshomaru near fainted to see...

"Naraku! What the fuck you doin' following me?! And what'd I do last summer?" "You slept with my cousin!" Sesshomaru was about to yell at him, but stopped. "Wait, that ain't true cause I'm still a virgin!" The word "virgin" rang throughout the carnival, making every head snap in his direction. An old newspaper rolled across the grounds like a tumbleweed during the defening silence that followed. Somewhere, a frog croaked. Or maybe that was just Jaken.

After another minute of quiet, the people slowly returned to their activities. "Hm, yes I do recall you saying that you have yet to have had any front butt when I confronted you on Kagura's mysterious pregnancy. Still, she says it was you. Kid kinda looks like you too." Sesshomaru shook his head. "Nope, sorry. Did you try my brother? What about my dad?" Naraku slaps his forehead. "I knew there was someone I forgot to ask! I already asked your brother, so that leaves your father." "No prob. So, what are you doing here besides stalking me?" Naraku shrugged. "Just trying to have fun like any normal, decent Japanese." Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at the comment.

"Yeah," he said slowly. Striding past him, he continued to his target. Naraku followed. "Damn, you followin' me like a dog!" The spider hanyou footed the ground. "It's just that...Onigumo never wants to go to the carnival. He's finally agreed to go this time but despite the fact that we're one, he doesn't want to join in on the fun with me." Sesshomaru stared at him, trying to figure out what level of psychiatric help he needed.

Giving a huge, weary sigh, he said, "Fine, you can ride with me on the ferris wheel. But that's it! After that, we also need to do some buisness." "Yippie!" the spider said, jumping in the air. He stayed there for a good five seconds, seemingly frozen. Sesshomaru didn't get it, but shook his head, waiting for the spider to come back down. When he finally did, they finally reached the damn ride. _Took me long enough! _

They got on the ride with some more curious looks, ones similar to the ones that Sesshomaru had recieved in Target. Slowly their seat rose as the wheel spun to accomodate the other passengers. After a minute, it was full and began spinning faster. Sesshomaru held on for dear life, not liking the feeling of his stomach dropping out from under him, while the estatic Naraku cheered and waved his hands in the air, as if he just didn't care (ah, what a fine old dance...). "Wheeeee! Sesshomaru, lift your arms up! It's funner that way!" "Look, I got the BG's (bubble guts). I'm nervous and I'm about to shit on myself," the dog demon said with a green tint to his face.

Suddenly, a loud grinding sound of metal on metal came from the ride. The seats stopped spinning, Sesshomaru's at the very top. Naraku's cheer faultered to a stop. "Hey, what's going on? Oh, wow! Hey Sess! You can see the whole world from up here!" Sesshomaru gave him a look. "What the fuck are you talking about? _You _see more of the "world" than anybody I know with how much you duck and dodge up in the clouds." Naraku didn't respond.

A few more minutes went by. Naraku started entertaining himself by, to Sesshomaru's horror, swinging the seat back and forth like a child. "Would you stop?!" Naraku stopped, but still a happy ass smile was plastered to his face. "Hey Sesshomaru?" The dog demon sighed. "What?" "Knock knock." "Damnit, Naraku. I ain't in the mood." But the spider wouldn't be deterred. "Knock knock," he said again. With a heavy sigh, Sesshomaru said, "Who's there?" "Your friend." Sesshomaru was thinking about not saying anything after that but he knew that the damn grown ass child/man beside him wouldn't leave him be until he finished the joke, so he said, "Your friend who?" "Your friend Naraku and I'll always be there for you." More head turns. Sesshomaru gagged.

A/N: The friend joke came from an episode of Family Guy, just to let ya'll know.

It was about another ten minutes before the ride was fixed and it continued moving again. When it was over, Sesshomaru stumbled off. Naraku grabbed him to keep him from falling. "Fun, huh?" "Man, if I ever ride that shit again, it'll be too soon," Sesshomaru slurred as he struggled to hold on to his lunch. But Naraku didn't give him time to recover. Soon, he was dragging the poor dog demon all over the park.

* * *

Okay, took me awhile to update again, so sorry. Anyways, review please and tell me what you think! 


	15. Monkey See, Naraku Do

Ah, once again I'm tempting the unthinkable. But if it's unthinkable, then how is it that I've done it several times? That means I've thought about it on many occasions so it's not unthinkable. Okay, enough with that! Anyways, sticking to my word again and updating two chapters! Can I get a hip-hop horray, ho, hey, ho...ooooookkayy then... (and no I wasn't calling any one a ho. Felling guilty?:)

**

* * *

**

Monkey See, Naraku Do

Sesshomaru wasn't interested in the rest of the carnival anymore after his near sickening ride on the ferris wheel. He knew that there was something that he needed to talk to Naraku about, but his mind wasn't functioning well at the moment. So instead, he allowed the still baboon-clothed demon to lead him around to the other rides.

The second thing they rode was the Gravitron, another wheel like ride that spun extreamly fast. It's passengers were held onto the sides as the wheel tipped from side to side and even spun vertical and horizontal. All directions but upside down. Naraku was still as giddy as a school girl, chatting to everyone he came across. Sesshomaru simply remained quiet for fear of barfing on someone.

Unfortunatly for him, realization of the ride he had just boarded didn't strike until the damn machine was moving. He was vaugly aware of the hiss as it rose off the ground and of the clouds moving a little above average speed. Naraku looked at him and mouthed, "Here we go!" Sesshomaru gave a whimper, closed his eyes for dear life, and for the first time, began praying.

"Dear heavenly Kami, please let me have the strength after this to kill Naraku. First of all, I need those damn baboon paws. Second of all, he's my arch enemy, so why the hell am I riding these damn rides with him in the first place? And third of all he owes me twenty dollars. The bible says "get yo paper". Well, I intend to. In Buddha's name, amen." And yeah, I'm aware that there is no bible in Buhhdism; it's for humor's sake.

During the whole ride, Sesshomaru sang to himself to ease his tension, his favorite line being the first line of the chorus from Rihanna's song "Unfaithful", going "I don't wanna do this anymore..." Naraku looked at him like he was crazy, but he didn't notice. Nor did he notice the fact that he was getting yet _more _stares for singing the song. He also prayed again for a Final Destination 3 accident to happen and he just die rather than enduring such a torture. "This is worse than that time I went on that date with Oprah. She's rich and she still left me with the bill, ain't that a bitch!"

A/N: Don't ask me why I'm doing chapters about carnivals (perhaps because last year was the first time that I'd been to one since I was about seven and I'm seventeen now), but anyways. Sesshomaru's method of calming himself is the exact thing I did when I rode the rides last year. I sang the very same song and could identify with that very line of the song. Kind of strange doing that and yet my little brother (who's fifteen) was yelling "Amanda, open your eyes!" Yeah the fuck right! And die of fright? I don't think so!

He was so enamored with his silent cursing of his date that he didn't notice when the ride was over. He got off with a jubilant feeling. Gone was the motion sickness. He smiled to himself, then grabbed Naraku's sleeve to keep him from going anywhere else. "We need to talk," he said in his ear. Naraku gave him a confused look, then a sad stare. "Oh, god. Don't tell me you're coming out of the closet! Sess, I don't think I could stand that!" "Um...right. Look Naraku. There's something that I need from you. I can't think of anywhere else to get it so...looks like you're going to have to be the one to give it to me."

Naraku's breathing got extreamly fast. He pulled an inhaler out, lit the bottom, then took a puff. Sesshomaru cocked an eyebrow but said nothing on the matter. "Naraku, I--" "Hold up a sec," Naraku held up a finger to stop him. Pulling out a beeper (damn he went back with it!), he read the screen the swore. "Shit, it's my baby's momma." He then pulled out a cell phone and dialed a few numbers.

Six rings later, he could hear a high pitched woman's voice on other end. Naraku didn't give her time to warm up and started chewing her. "No, I said that I'd be home at six! It's only four-thirty! What the hell you mean I missed Cody's soccer game?!... The damn thing wasn't until Saturday!... What?!... He was disappointed?! Soccer's the most boring fucking sport in the whole damn world!... Tell him, I don't give a damn! Like I'm supposed to care!...Oh, you want a divorce? Well, shit I think that's the best decision you've made in your entire life!...Oh, you think yours was marring me? Happy we're on the same page!...Bitch, don't make me put anthrax on a Tampax and slap you till you can't stand!" Naraku angrily hung up.

"Oohh, she makes me sick! Always wanna question a brother." Sesshomaru whipped his head around at him. "What?!" Naraku acted like he hadn't seen him and headed off in a random direction. Far be it for Sesshomaru to try to get involved with his evident baby momma drama, so he kept his mouth shut about the conversation Naraku had just had. Instead, he cut in front of him to stop him from going anywhere. "We still need to talk." Naraku huffed.

"I need your monkey paws." Naraku stared at him with a wide-eyed expression. "You need my _what?! Oh, hell no!_" He pulled off the baboon pelt and threw it on the ground. Rather than making a break for it, Sesshomaru stopped to see what he was going to do. Naraku put his fists up, ready to box. This wasn't Sesshomaru's style. He kicked him in his monkey paws.

The spider went down groaning. "You ho ass bitch!" he seethed, grabbing himself. Sesshomaru sucked on his index finger, then twisted it around in Naraku's ear, giving him a wet Willy. He went over to the discarded pelt and picked it up. Examining it, he noted that there were no sleeves, therefore no paws to be had. _Oops... _He looked over at the writhing Naraku. "Ah, damn man. My bad. Here, let me make it up to you. I want you to have my vintage pleather boots. Go on, try them, they're real...um, pleather."

Naraku didn't touch them. Instead, he slowly got to his feet and limped off toward the carousal. Sesshomaru put back on his pleather boots and followed, curiously wondering what a grown man would want with such a childish ride. They waited patiently in line for their turn, but the man who operated the ride denyed them access. "Look buddy, your too old for this kind of thing." "But the sign says you have to be at least three and a half feet tall. I'm six foot two." "Yeah, and so is my grandma but you don't see her trying to get on. Then again, she's at the nursing home and they have more security there than at a Nelly concert. But that's beside's the point! You're not riding!"

Sesshomaru was a bit elated at the turndown. He grabbed Naraku's sleeve to drag him away, but the spider wrenched away from his grasp. "No! I want to ride!" He began screaming this at the top of his lungs like a toddler. "I WANT TO RIDE! I WANT TO RIDE! I WANT TO RIDE!!!!" "NOBODY GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU WANT!" the man screamed at him. Naraku was on the hush mouth. Giving a nonchalant shrug, he said, "Okay," then left.

At the appropriate entrance to the carnival, they said their fare-wells. "Guess I'll be seeing you around then," Naraku said. "Yeah, maybe. Hey, I planning a game night with Kouga, you in?" The hanyou thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, if I can't come up with a new way to kill your brother." Sesshomaru grinned and nodded. "You and me both. Oh, and make sure to bring your Dueling Monsters deck with you." They gave a one armed hug, the kind guys give to show when greeting each other. "A'ight. Catch you later." Naraku said, then rose up to the sky with his ominous black cloud and saimiyoshou surrounding him.

And still he didn't have any monkey paws! But he knew he had caught his break when he saw a small monkey walking by with a water sprite. What was left of Chokyukai's entourage. He smirked, then walked up to them. Without warning, he grabbed the monkey, twisted its neck, then cleanly sliced off the paws with Toukijin. The water sprite was screaming its ass off and Sesshomaru couldn't afford to have people looking. He did away with the water sprite as well. Whistling to himself, he headed back over to the pig pens and dumped the bodies in the feeding troughs. A smooth criminal.

* * *

Okay, and there it is! So, I updated two chapters at a time! Kind of hard work considering I was only half feeling the chapters, sorry. Still, I hope it was funny enough. Please review and tell me what you think! 


	16. A Series of Unfortunate Events

I believe this is my last chapter! Or is it? Kinda hard to really chose an ending when you do random writing. Yet, I like it like that! Oh, and I think I might want to add a bit of a warning. Though this is the last chapter, there's a bit...graphicness in it. Not so much with actions but with words. I'm telling you now 'cause I don't wanna hear any flames coming from anyone because of my...outspokeness? Anyways, read if you want to, I'm not gonna stop you. Just remember what I've said!

**

* * *

**

A Series of Unfortunate Events

(and the start of some new one's)

It was late dusk when Sesshomaru finally got back home. Everyone was in the dining room, eating something that Izayoi had whipped up. The remains of his carrot stew was still on the walls. He glanced at his brother to see how he and Miroku were doing. Not so well.

Inuyasha had cramps all over his body due to the positon they were in. He couldn't move freely and half the time he was only going where Miroku wanted to go. Finally having enough, he shouted at him, "Don't you care about me? We're now one yet you still treat me like shit! I thought that we'd come to understand each other, but now I see that you only care about rubbing Kaede's ass!" Kaede turned around from her necking with Totosai and gave a cruel look to the monk. "What? It's this cursed hand!" Miroku said defensively.

Sesshomaru dropped the bag of items he was carrying right into the plate of food in front of the old pristess. "Here's yo shit," he said in a bored expression. Totosai glared at him. "How dare you treat my woman like that!" Sesshomaru whipped his head around at him. "Whoa, hold up. You two are...going steady?! Ah, damn! Old people sex! Why ain't nobody hit me up on my cell to tell me?" Everyone but Inutaisho stared at him. "You mean...you too like older women?" Izayoi mumbled under her breath, "Older, yeah. One foot from the grave's more like it."

Sesshomaru bowed his head in mock modesty. "I find older women more mature. You remember Keita? That's why." Intaisho stared at him for a moment. Then, without warning, he reached over and hugged him. "That's all I've ever wanted." "For me to find a mature woman?" Sesshomaru asked. "No, to like elderly women. Now you're more like me. You're little brother acts like he's too good to get down with an octogenarian."(person in their eighties). Sesshomaru smirked. He was already making plans to date the woman who had up-rooted Kikyou's remains. Yes, she was a nicely seasoned woman...

Inutaisho turned to Inuyasha. "Inuyasha, you make for a sorry ass Lord of the West. You watch _Sex and the City, Napolean Dynamite, _and _the L Word. _Well, except for that last one, those shows are unacceptable. Nothing's wrong with watching a little lesbian action." The room went silent again. "What? Oh, come on now Izayoi. You can't tell me you don't like watching those yaoi flicks." She glared at him. "Those were hidden under the floorboards. How'd you find them?!" "I have camera's all over the place. I saw when you buried them. Hell, I also saw when you got off the toilet without wiping 'cause there was no more toilet paper in the bathroom. All you had to do was call and I'd give you some from one of the others ones. Now you know why I didn't sleep with you that night."

Inuyasha hated seeing his mother on the spot like that. He tried to cross the room to direct his father's attention with a fight, but his link to Miroku stopped him. Turning to Kaede, he said, "When the hell are you gonna seperate us? Everytime he feels on Sango's or Kagome's ass, I'm the one who gets slapped, not him!" Kaede sighed and picked up the bag from her food. "Sesshomaru, I'd kick ye's ass if I wasn't so--" "Ancient?" Sesshomaru cut in. "Seasoned? Past your prime? Older than dirt? More senile than Helen Keller?" Kaede blinked slowly at him. "Alright, keep cracking jokes. Ye's going to regret it one of these days." "Oh yeah, how?" "You'll see." She turned back to the items.

Putting all of it in the same pot that Inutaisho had slung off the table, she put it on to boil. While it was cooking, she ground up the monkey paws and the rosachimilifulicarmus. Throwing that in with the rest of the stuff, she stirred it slowly. The smell seemed familiar to Sesshomaru. Going over to the pot, he noticed that it looked very familiar to the same thing that the "Oracle" was making. "Damn! So all I had to do was get a bottle of this shit from her?! That would've saved a hell of a lot of time so I could run game on her!" Keade stared at him. "An elderly woman making the same potion I was? That's a family brew, meaning that that was my other sister, the one my mother disowned because she felt that she lacked the spiritual powers of me and Kikyou.

Inutaisho gave a whoop of laughter. "That's my boy! Keep it all in the family!" "Oh, Father, speaking of keeping it in the family, Naraku thinks that you slept with Kagura,"Sesshomaru said. Inutaisho's eyes went wide for a moment, then narrowed as he smiled. "Yeah, I knocked her down. What of it?" "She's pregnant." "Oh, hell no!" Izayoi shouted. Standing up, she screamed, "I've had it! All of your lying! All of your cheating! Inutaisho, you already know that I've always thought about being with Brad Pitt and that I like yaoi flicks, but here's part three of my confession. I also slept with Tom Cruise."

A/N: I got the part three of my confession thing from Weird Al's song, Confessions, part III. Saw it on YouTube, loved it ever since. If you havn't heard it, type it in. There's no real video for it, but if you like randomness, that song has it!

Everyone gasped. "I can't believe it!" Kagome said. "_I _can't believe it!" Sango said. "I can't believe it's not butter!" Inutaisho said, holding up a piece of toast. More stares. "So, you had a fling with Tom Cruise, hm? Good, my hit wasn't unreasonable." "What?!" Izayoi shouted. "Yeah, I had a suspicion that you and him were getting to be a little buddy-buddy. So, I put a hit out on him too. Everyone knows that he's an avid environmentalist, so I told my men to put a turtle in the road. He of course swerved to miss hitting it, causing him to break the guardrails on the bridge he was on and plunge to his death twenty feet below."

The others in the room looked at one another. "Dad, I'm not sure that Tom Cruise gives a damn for turtles," Inuyasha said. His father did a double take at him. "He doesn't? Damn, knew I shoud've made it a lachupacabra." "That's a Mexican myth," Sesshomaru corrected. His father seethed, but didn't comment.

Keade put the concoction in a bowl and passed it to Inuyasha. "Drink. This will seperate ye from the lecher." Inuyasha downed the contents. A glow emanated from his body. "Wow, this stuff's great. Makes you feel kinda light. What do you call it?" "Red Bull," Keade said simply. "Oh! I get it!" Inuyasha said. Then suddenly, he started gasping and fell on the floor, twitching as though he were having a seizure. Miroku looked down at him. "Damn. He _would _still be connected to me and die."

But as with the old woman, Inuyasha got up a moment later. "Why am I still connected to you?" Inuyasha asked Miroku. Kaede put another bowl of the potion in front of the monk, who drank it quickly. The same events happened to him, glowing, seizures, then revival. A few seconds went by. "Man, Kaede, your family potion is a piece of shit!" He wrenched away from Miroku to cross his arm, and ended up falling over due to not having his equilibrium. Miroku did not fall with him. Inuyasha stared at his now free hand which was still holding Tetsusaiga. But he didn't have time to stare long. Miroku's wind tunnel was still open. He stabbed the sword in the ground to keep from being pulled back into it.

The plates, table, stove, fridge and deep freezer were all sucked up. Before Miroku could close it, Jaken also went flying into the deep abyss. Miroku quickly pulled the beads over his hand. He gave a sheepish glance around the room. "Any one mind him going?" Different variations of "no" were voiced. That over with, the monk shrugged and started oogling Kaede again.

The old priestess walked over to Kagome, snatched her hands, and made her take the beads off of Inuyash'a neck. "I believe ye has learned his lesson and will not try to kill you again. But as for his brother..." She crossed the room with speeds unheard of by elderly people and placed the necklace on Sesshomaru. "I give Rin the power to choose how to control you. Rin?" The little girl thought for a moment, then said, "Scratch your ass!" Immediatly, Sesshomaru started digging. "Rin! After all I've done for you! This is how you treat me?!" "You pay more attention to Michelle than to me! I have needs too!"

The room got silent. "Sesshomaru," his father said. "I like 'em old, not young. What the hell have you been doing with that child?" "Nothing!" "And that's just it!" Rin cried. "When I want to have a tea party, you always say, I'm spending time with Michelle! Or if I try to give you a flower, you say that Michelle gave you one better! I hate Michelle!" Sesshomaru sighed. "I know. Things didn't work out between us anyways. Besides, how much fun can you have with a piece of paper? That's why I've moved on to Tsubaki!"

Everyone shook thier heads in disappointment. But I'll save _that _relationship for another story!

And thus is the end! So, how'd everyone like it? I plan to take a small break before I get to writing my next piece of work, perhaps doing a few small pieces of writing until then. Remember, if it ain't cottage cheese and mustard, then it ain't food! Peace out and holla at ya girl!

Amanda Denise Williams


End file.
